Irony

Three examples of irony from my search for fame and fortune. Mostly fortune.

1. The profeader

A few months ago, I wrote a post about my plan to quit my job after cutie is born and try to do some work while he learns to bond with his pacifier. I received a lot of good wishes and good suggestions, the longest and probably the most earnest came from an email from Jennifer. She is a professional blogger who, among other places, writes here, so of course I meant to follow her advice. But I didn't, because I'm a smart ass (smart arse, for my English readers). Basically, it meant that instead of concentrating my efforts on a few good leads, I spent hours on those crappy freelance bidding sites until I couldn't deal with it any more and stopped looking. At least until I get motivated again.

But that's not the irony. This is:

2. Ethics

I found this place where you can write essays and get paid, so I started filling an application, and then I got to the "How do you feel about students paying others to write their term papers?" question. So I started talking about how important it was for my personal growth to actually try to learn as much as I could and get as much as I could out of my college experience, and all that, and then it clicked...

So I left that application and I moved on to the next site. This one claimed the buyer would use my essay only as a tool to write his own essay, but it was pretty much the same thing . Only more ironic:

3. Digg

I decided to try that whole domaining thing all the big boys were talking about. So I went on a GoDaddy shopping spree and bought politicartoons.com, and I forwarded it to a Blogger site, and I put a little AdSense. Now all I had to do was put some political cartoons, and I was set!

But I don't know anything about copyrights, and Honey was busy feeding the little guy, and I just wanted to put something on there, submit it to Digg to feel I've accomplished something, and get some sleep.

But I can't draw.

So I have a site about political cartoons, but I can't put others' cartoons there, and I can't draw, so what the hell am I supposed to do?

And then I thought I might as well just put a Hillary picture up, add some lines using Microsoft Paint (because I don't know how to use Photoshop), post the result on the site, and submit the image to Digg, including a little signature that will hopefully get some people to the site.

And how cute is that? Nine people Dugg it already (here). That's more than anything I've ever written on this site. I spill blood and guts trying to come up with meaningful stuff, and maybe one person will do me a favor and Digg it. But I use Paint to put some words over a picture, and all of a sudden I'm a cartoonist.

A Blogging Community

Merely three months after Bobby tagged me, I'm finally ready.

So what is this thing? Well, Bobby got sick of the profit-oriented direction the blog-world was taking, the ease with which anonymous enemies were created, and the whole John Chow-ism of our society. These are not the eighties, after all, and as much as we create a blog as a platform for our unique thoughts and dreams, none of us would still be here without the feeling there's a community of readers and writers around us.

And while some of us write posts about the intricacies of ear-hair, others actively try to make this whole blogging-thing, this Lord of the Flies experiment in human interaction a meaningful one.

Which brings me to Dan, who asks for our support. He wants to walk 78 miles--who am I to stop him? Please read his post and see what you can do. And if all you can do is wish him luck on his journey, well, that's plenty.

A Post About Nothing

I write about once a week. Which is good. It makes me feel this is more than a blog; it's a literary magazine (with only one subject: me). When I write, I try to avoid subjects other people can't relate to. I write about my relationship with my father, and readers can find their own strained relationships there. I write about my wish to be a good father, and you can find your own doomed wishes, or laugh with scorn or with love because I'm bound to make mistakes throughout this parenthood thing. Just like everyone else. And I can talk about the book I'll write one day and the need to escape mediocrity and you can smile and say to yourself, "Wouldn't that be grand? To be somebody? Or maybe as long as we strive for that greatness we keep ourselves alive," and look, I've made you think and reflect about your own life. Which is what I'm trying to do here even though I am indeed using only one subject. Me as a metaphor.

But sometime... Sometimes I look at blogs of people who write every day and have nothing to say. Pages and pages of literary masturbation (Welcome, Google Perverts). And I'm so goddamn jealous.

So here:

I went to the dentist. It hurts like... what's a good swear word? Shit. It hurts like shit. He has two rooms. One has a peeling wallpaper with "Floss Daily" written everywhere, and the other room has this fun drawing that for a brief moment makes me forget this shit is torture. I should floss more often.


I'm sick. No big deal.

I got into Cribbage lately.


Hollywood Writers, no one cares about you. Now you know.


Saw this billboard. Gotta love Baltimore. Sometimes.


Got me a webcam. It's easy to say, "Mom, I didn't move to the other side of the world just so you could see me every day," but I couldn't say much to her "I want my grandson to know he has a grandmother in Israel." So I got a webcam and I got Skype, and now my computer is slow, and waiting for pages to load makes me want to strangle a puppy. It reminds me of a word people used in the last millennium: modem. Remember these things?


Ahhh, man it feels good to let it all out. You know what? I said it wasn't a big deal but I hate being sick, and between the dying computer and the lack of good night sleep and the dog who hurt her thigh, and the running nose, and couldn't they make a visit to the dentist less painful, and Please God: make me strong enough to ignore American Idol, and Has it been six weeks already? and watching those idiot Republicans on TV, and watching CNN in general, and the goddamn sinuses--I'm allowed, every once in a while, to write a goddamn post about goddamn nothing!

This guy is so cute.

I Want a Blogjob

Anyway, they moved me from evening to morning shift, which has some advantages, one if which is that finally I get to be home on Sunday nights, stopping the friends who come over from playing Trivial Pursuit. Speaking of feeling stupid and inadequate (the only thing I do in TP is roll the dice. Never answered a question), we have all these pregnancy classes coming soon. I protested being dragged to breastfeeding class but Honey insisted.

What was I talking about?

If I survive being surrounded by all these boobies, it’s probably time I started looking for a new job. With the crazy cost of daycare we’ve decided the best thing will be for me to stay home. At least for a while.

I looked around a bit and saw some job notices for freelance writers. I’m going to start applying soon, but I'm not very optimistic. I find it hard to believe I would be able to stand out. Most of these notices look for someone who specializes in particular stuff. Not much demand for someone interested in nothing and everything and all that's in between.

I’ll keep looking, but if you see a good writing job anywhere feel free to put in a good word for me. I have a BA in creative writing, and I already stand out from that crowd because I’ve never used the phrase “nodded vigorously.”

Wish me luck.

One Year of Blogging

Blogging Tips

I've been tagged by the ever-so-helpful Revellian, Mr. Nice Guy himself, Bobby Revell. This one is about blogging tips. I'm relatively new at this (or is 10 months a long time in blogging?), but I did notice one thing: I get people coming here from Google searches (no, there are no naked pictures of Glenn Beck here), and I get Stumble Upon surfers here, but the people who read the posts and comment are mainly the people whose blogs I visit and comment on. Now, I wouldn't leave a comment if I didn't have anything to say, so how do I find the blogs I'd be interested in following? That's pretty simple and straightforward, and it beats anything else I've tried on my quest for great, honest writing.

You go to one blog you like, leave a comment, and then you follow the links until you find another great blog, and you leave a comment there. The next day you can start from that second blog. Leave comments, make links on your own blog, and surf through other people's links. Page Rank and Technorati standing and all that stuff may be important but in the end each link, each blog, is a person, and an honest comment on an honest post creates a human connection. Get-rich-quick scams come and go, and blogs created for the sole purpose of making money don't bother me at all, but in the end it's the honest writing that makes the virtual blogging community more real and close and tangible than many physical communities.

So thanks Bobby, and thanks to everyone who's ever left a comment. Now here's some cut-and-paste:

-Start Copy-

It’s very simple. When this is passed on to you, copy the whole thing, skim the list and put a * star beside those that you like. (Check out especially the * starred ones.)

Add the next number (1. 2. 3. 4. 5., etc.) and write your own blogging tip for other bloggers.

Try to make your tip general.

After that, tag 10 other people. Link love some friends!

Just think– if 10 people start this, the 10 people pass it onto another 10 people, you have 100 links already!

When this is passed on to you, copy the whole thing, check out the blogs on the list and put a * star beside those that you like. Add the next number (1. 2. 3. 4. 5., etc.) and write your own blogging tip for other bloggers. Try to make your tip general. After that, tag 10 other people. Link love some friends! Just think– if 10 people start this, the 10 people pass it onto another 10 people, you have 100 links already! Here are the tips:

1. Look, read, and learn. ***
http://www.neonscent.com

2. Be, EXCELLENT to each other. ***
http://www.bushmackel.com/

3. Don’t let money change ya! ***
http://www.therandomforest.info

4. Always reply to your comments. ****
http://chattiekat.com

5. Spell check is your friend. **
http://thingsbymike.com

6. Be the blog. ***
http://www.meandmydrum.com/

7. Your readers are your treasure.
http://www.brownbaron.com/blog/***

8. Blog about what you know & love.
http://sugar-queens-dream.blogspot.com/*****

9. Don’t use filthy language-buy a dictionary.
http://shinade.blogspot.com/*

10. Whenever possible, spread some positive thoughts and love. The world needs more of them.
http://ailema4ever.blogspot.com/*****

11. Write down from your heart or head. Either way asks yourself why you ever get started.
http://chocmintgirl.blogspot.com/**

12. Try to make your template something unique and easy to look. Your template gives the blogger identity as much as the post content.
http://psychosomaticwit.blogspot.com/***

13. Take risks creatively with your writing. You’d be surprised how little it takes to bring out the poet or novelist in you.
http://remedialrumination.blogspot.com/***

14. Find your own voice! Your writing should reflect your unique personality. Don’t ever try to be something you’re really not just because you think you have to in order to get people to read your blog.
http://gazing-into-the-abyss.blogspot.com/**

15. When you’re trying to think of a new great post, or deep in thought on how to make it better, just remember - trying is crap. Trying to think is worthless. Thinking is the greatest single hindrance to a writer. Relax, don’t try to think. Let go of your thought and ego. Only then is real thought able to naturally flow on it’s own, without being consciously driven. Just a little something not to think about:)
http://revellian.com/**

16. If you like a blog, follow the links. You're most likely to find your next favorite blog waiting for you on another blog's sidebar.
http://www.peopleinthesun.com/*

–End Copy–

Tagged:

http://allthatcomeswithit.com/

http://jenfreedom.blogspot.com/

http://www.cafeleone.net/

http://midlife-journey.blogspot.com/

http://jsridhar.blogspot.com/

http://shellis-sentiments.com/

http://www.un-loaded.com/

http://wonderlandornot.net/

http://blogtalkingpoints.blogspot.com/

http://whohijackedourcountry.blogspot.com/

I've Been Double-Schmoozed

In one week, two people got the impression I'm a schmoozer. True, I involve myself in the blogging community but that's only because it's either that or doing the laundry. And I hate doing the laundry. I hate folding more than anything. That guy in the schmooze picture, my arm looks a lot like that, only my tattoo doesn't say schmooze but revenge.

Anyway, before we all move on to the next post, which I promise will include a picture of a penis, I'd like to thank Shelli and MoonDanzer for their much appreciated support. I do believe in commenting and in blogging in general (although I've always had a problem with the word blog), and I'm always grateful when someone comes here and leaves a comment, so to have two people show their support with this schmooze award feels good.

And thanks, Larry from Let's Talk About It, for offering another tag that I can't do because I did a similar one recently.

First, some cut-and-paste:

1. If, and only if, you get the Thinking Blogger Award or The Power of Schmooze Award, write a post with links that make you think, or have schmoozed you into submission.
2. Link to this post and Mike so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.
3. Optional: Proudly display the “Thinking Blogger Award” or the “Power of Schmooze Award” with a link to the post that you wrote (here is alternative silver version if gold doesn’t fit your blog.

Now, let me look for my next victims:

• Dan at Cafe Leone - I know I've tagged you before but if anyone deserves a schmooze award it's you, for continually supporting other blogs on your site.
• Dave at Wandering the Ether - I know you're taking the time off, but since you take time off yet still find time to comment on others' blogs you're helping the blogging community and deserve to have this little blue rectangle on your site.

And spreading the love to my three new links:

• Kali at Out of Focus
• ajooja at ajooja
• and Leisel at Dead Man's Honda.

As usual, all of you are free to ignore this tag and move on with your lives as if nothing happened. But someday, somehow, you will regret it. And then you will cry. And guess who will not be there to offer a sturdy shoulder? Me.

Seriously. I know some people have their blog schedule organized and then someone comes and gives them a tag and they wish they could simply ignore it--so feel free to ignore it. Luckily for me, though, the only thing I had planned for my next post is a picture of a penis, and that can wait.

Until next time--don't forget, a picture of a penis!

Thinkers of the World, Unite!

I've been tagged for the first time (thanks, Bill Blunt). It's nice to be recognized for writing. One step at a time. So here I am, using my powers for good and spreading the wealth, tagging five thinkers for the Thinking Blogger Award.

And as for those five bloggers, if any of you decides NOT to do this, you have every right to ignore it. However, my Statcounter knows where you live.

Chronically Sick, But Still Thinking I Think - You don't get forty comments on each post in a relatively new blog just for drawing cute pictures. Some of us pretend we're thinkers by philosophizing for hours but eventually leading our readers in circles. But Sebastien can draw a picture, show a video, and talk about a favorite 15th century painter without pretentious aspirations, yet a whole unifying picture begins to make sense.

durante vita - With topics as varied as modern living is, durante vita treats it all with respect (although when it comes to The View, maybe with too much respect).

Is it Raining? - For those who fear this award will continue to go in circles for What-is-Life-All-About-ers, I give you Spooky. Not many words, but the guy is a genius.

U N L O A D E D - It's as cool and intelligent as a Robert Rodriguez-Quentin Tarantino double-feature. (Now, I know you're busy with the grand re-opening, so I won't be offended if you take your time).

The Peace Tree - The quest for peace. A poetic, inspiring blog.

And apologies to all of you on my link list on the right. If you're there it means I appreciate your writing and believe in you. Cheers. Now, here are the rules. Cut-and-Paste:


The participation rules are simple:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn't fit your blog).

Thank You, Sister. (And Thanks, Mr. Chukwu Odikpo).

First, a big thank you to my sister for making the blog header you see above. Nothing I write could even come close to the beauty of this picture.

And as long as I'm thanking people and feel too overwhelmed to write anything original, here's a cut-and-paste from a gem that somehow filtered through my spam folder. I'm rich!

Dear frined,

I'm happy to inform you about my success in getting the fund transferred under the cooperation of the new partner from Pakistan . Presently i'm in Pakistan for investment projects with my own share of the total sum. meanwhile,i didn't forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in transferring those funds despite that it failed us some how.

Now contact my secretary in Cotonou, Republic of Benin,his name is Mr. chukwu odikpo and his email address is chukwuodikpo7@yahoo.com and ask him to send you the total $1.500,000.00 which i kept for your compensation for all the past efforts and attempts to assist me in this matter. and instruct him where to send the amount to you. i appreciated your efforts to assist despite that you later disappointed me.

so feel free and get in touched with my secretary Mr. odikpo Please do let me know immediately you receive it so that we can share the joy after all the sufferness at that time. in the moment, i am very busy here because of the investment projects which me and the new partner are having at hand, finally, remember that I had forwarded instruction to the secretary on your behalf to receive that money,so feel free to get in touch with Mr.chukwu odikpo and he will send the amount to you without any delay. contact this email address is chukwuodikpo7@yahoo.com try to go their and collect your money ok,

Regards

BARISTER MATTHEW

Wait, does that mean email addresses for chukwuodikpo1 through 6 were already taken?

I talked too much

The vixens at italk2much finally reviewed my site.

I got my ass kicked by the brunette with the robot, who gave me an even 0/5, but for now I'm triumphing in the comment section, where the orange hair cutie wrote "I like this," and the one with the purple hair loves Buddy and wants to give him puppy kisses. I don't know how he'll react to that. After all, he's not a puppy but a 13-year-old Pit Bull who's always struggled with his sexuality.

Anyway, it was fun. I haven't had so many girls look at me since I dreamed of going to school naked. Now I can go back to the regular writing. Next time, What is it like to work for the State? (Hint in the picture below)

I feel like I'm taking a big risk here. People in the Sun is a great painting. I'd hate to see it being abused by someone like me with nothing much to say. Anyway, enjoy.

With no experience, the old man that I am, I will somehow link some favorites here, just so people could have a clue what they're getting into. If you like those links, then check it out in a week or so. If the links offend you I can't help you much. You should blame your parents. If the links bore you, than go away and never come back. I hate you anyway.

Here goes:

Random blog: http://sweetiec.blogspot.com/ It's pink, it's German, it has Russian dolls. How more random can you get?

Another random blog: another one, more serious. It has computers and Intel chips, and ducks.

A personal picture:

That's about it for now. Have fun.