Relativism

I can't lie. I missed you. I know not everyone likes you. But I don't care.

Speaking of changing the subject, you know how you're stuck in standing traffic, and all of a sudden this car comes in from the merge lane that THEY KNEW was going to end soon, and you drive a little closer to the car in front of you to make sure the car doesn't get between you two, because your mama didn't raise no fool?

And you know how you sometimes find yourself in a merge lane, and you try to get into a fast lane but car after car ignores you, and what the fuck is wrong with people, can't they see a car is trying to merge in? Why is everyone such a dick?

Or in other words, people are always right.

That's how I feel about the soccer football okay, soccer world cup. I didn't watch it last time. Actually, last time I watched a world cup game was 1998. Since then, I've had lots of fun with those idiots who spent hours watching these dumb games. I mean, it's one thing to be a little Fascist and root for your country, but why would anyone watch Chile vs. Switzerland? You're that desperate for entertainment that you'll spend two hours watching a bunch of dudes play with each other?


But of course I'm having a great time so far. And not only that. I get angry when I hear people complain about other people who talk about the games. And I can turn a blind eye to the fact that most games are shown on ESPN rather than on a network, but what kind of a country is that when a world cup game is relegated to ESPN2 because of golf? GOLF! 


Maybe it's because I get to watch a game during breakfast and another one while I relax during naptime. Or maybe it's because it's just addictive, and once you watch a game you can't stop. Or maybe it's because--and I know you Американские капиталисты don't necessarily agree--it's fun to watch these things. It's exciting, goddammit. And I know some asshole is going to say soccer is dumb, and that I must be desperate for entertainment if I spend hours watching Chile play against Switzerland. I mean, they don't even have working toilets in Chile. Or maybe that's Peru? But you know what I say to these people? I don't care! You don't like it? Don't watch it. No one gives a fuck what you think. Change a goddamn channel.

And the fact that Republicans hate soccer is maybe the best reason to watch.

The Terrible Twos and Me

The Terrible Twos are great. Highly recommended, actually.

I mean, sure, he says No all the time, and Mine, and he hits me, and when I tell him not to him me he hits himself, and he cries and screams and complains and God, how many Tums can I eat before it's unhealthy?

But it's also about him hugging me for no reason. Or saying, "Love you." Or any other random and surprising thing he does.

Like, you know how proud parents put up online things their kids are saying, because, you know, they say the darnest things and all? Here's my entry: "Buddy make kaka on the floor? Buddy tooshtoosh? Buddy douche? Fuck Buddy."

And it's also about him driving me insane all day until the only thing I can do to stop the pain is bang my head on the wall until I see the tunnel. But then, just when I'm at the point of rethinking every single choice I've made in my life because no one deserves what I'm going through, he surprises me with one word, reenacted in this video, taken a couple of minutes later:

And so with all the daily battles, I'm actually looking forward for the little girl to experience her own Terrible Twos. I'll take it all. She can scream and cry and say No and Mine, and she can throw her bib on the floor and stomp her feet and make me bang my head on the wall every single day. It's all worth it.

And meanwhile, I can wait. I can cherish the quiet moments. I can enjoy watching her discover the world bit by bit. I can look into her eyes and try to read her future. I can wait for her to tell me she loves me (and a few years later, to tell me she hates me, I guess). I'll be here, waiting with my camera.

Flotilla

I don't even know where to start.

Israel is now divided. Some people think Israel did the right thing. We got them, and we'll get them next time with a tougher, quicker response. There won't be so many injured people next time, if you know what I mean.

Others think this has been a disaster because the incompetent Bibi has led the soldiers into what has turned up to be a trap. Most of the people I know in Israel are probably in this group.

Horrified by the idea that protecting yourself from soldiers attacking you in international water could somehow be called a trap, a relatively small group of people is offended by these two opinions. Knowing this group of people exists has stopped me from canceling my Israeli passport this week. It has stopped me from speaking only English to my son. It has stopped me from feeling ashamed.

I'm not doing anyone a favor. I know I know.

But I used to be proud of my country. They had immigrated to a desert to create Utopia. It was a social economic philosophic spiritual Utopia. Israel's enemies, the Israeli Declaration of Independence says, were welcome to join Israel in shaping the future of the Middle East as the most prosperous land on Earth. The day those words were spoken in 1948, Israel's neighbors attacked. There was no doubt that we were the good guys.

Are we still the good guys? Leftists outside Israel have always seen Israel as the aggressor, but in Israel things were different, and it's simplistic to say it was because we had lived in a bubble of self-delusion. As a kid, I saw pieces of flesh and blood stuck to a tree in the main street of Tel Aviv, a day after a suicide bomber detonated his bomb in a busy intersection. A short time after that, the city put a monument near the crosswalk. There were so many suicide bombers after I left the country, that the government stopped putting up monuments. It just didn't make sense anymore. No matter how bad the situation was in Gaza, as long as the Palestinians were blowing up kids, we were the good guys.

Then things changed. Yes, the leaders of Hezbollah were religious nuts who didn't give a damn about their people's lives and about the lives of Lebanese or Palestinians, but the war in Lebanon proved Israel was no better. Israelis were not the good guys when they went into Gaza to release a kidnapped soldier and to stop the rockets. A lot of innocent people died, the rockets didn't stop, and the soldier is still in captivity. Hezbollah weren't the good guys and Hamas weren't the good guys. But neither was Israel.

How did the good guys end up killing aid workers?

Or as most Israelis refer to them: "aid workers." Hey, whatever soothes your conscience.

Who was this Turkish group organizing the trip? It really doesn't matter. Their provocative statements are used as an excuse by Israel: "Yes, we shot everything that moved, but look--they really REALLY hated us!" Israel is going to have to kill a lot more people if it wants to get rid of everyone who hates it.

An American citizen was shot in the face and in the back of his head. Five times at close range. They call it a Confirmed-Kill in the Israeli military. Not officially, though.

When asked if the fact that an American citizen was killed by the Israelis changed the President's reaction to the attack, Robert Gibbs said, "I don't want to go there." Why would he want to go there? Some Americans are worth more than others. This guy was a Turkish-American. That's pretty low on the Who-Gives-A-Damn Pole.

Unfriended three people on Facebook today. Couldn't deal with their ignorant hateful shit anymore.

One of them was actually going to a protest in front of the Turkish Embassy in Tel Aviv. Because it was the victims' fault. As usual.

During the Gaza offensive, Israeli troops fired indiscriminately into innocent people's houses while chasing alleged rocket launchers. What! It was their fault they died. Their houses were so close together!

All Arabs are the same to Bibi voters. Sure, some of them wear suits, some of them are doctors or politicians or architects or aid workers, but an Arab is an Arab. Why did the Israeli military shoot into random houses in Gaza? Because there's no such thing as an innocent Palestinian. Not everyone on the boat attacked them, but is there really a difference between an Arab aid worker and an Arab Hamas member?

That's how Bibi voters think. Ask them. They're not ashamed of these opinions.

Either I'm being a dumb optimist or I simply can't face the facts, but even as I can't see Israel as the good guys, I still can't think of this abstract Could-Have-Been-Utopian symbol as the bad guy. It's complicated, just as Israel itself is complicated. Bibi is an evil incompetent Napoleon who deserves to be placed in a town square, so that everyone in the Middle East would line up and spit on his face. But I still have faith.

There are still people who search for peace there. There are still people who look at the Flotilla attack and not think it was simply a strategic blunder, but a moral stain. These people are the reason I speak Hebrew to my boy. These people are the reason I'm still an Israeli. These people are the reason I feel anything when I read news coming from Israel, even if it is mostly despair.