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29 October 2010

On Self-Examination

I'm losing it. It's not that I'm less confused, but that I don't feel I have the time to be confused. Like it's a luxury. I still like writing and blogging, but dealing with my own self seems out of place right now.

Here, you can always count on Saul Bellow (from the short story, "Something to Remember Me By"):

. . . self-examination, once so fascinating to me, has become tiresome.

I now have a blog about fatherhood, and who knows, maybe I have more of them blogs lying around somewhere, but I feel like I'm losing my steam here. Like this one is becoming the dumping ground for things that don't fit elsewhere.

I mean, it's not exactly like that. This is still my own private space, my own literary journal. But maybe I need...

I've seen these posts before. Look at people's blogrolls and you'll find dozens of blogs that end with "I need a break," before the spam vultures take over.

I hate this, but I also don't want to write halfheartedly. What was once the only thing keeping me sane is now, well, a task. Maybe I'll be back. Maybe I'll start again. Maybe not. I can't tell right now.

Thanks to everyone who has grown with me and celebrated with me and laughed with me and laughed at me.

19 comments:

Martin said...

A shame, I prefer here to there ;-)

All the best.

Shelli said...

I hear you. Sometimes the only reason I post is because my extended family nags me saying things like, "I check your blog everyday and you aren't posting. What's going on? Is something wrong?" All I can think is, "You wouldn't have to 'check my blog everyday' if you used a feed reader, dummy!" ;)

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

:-( :-( :-( I had a feeling this might be in the works. But...well...what can you do? Maybe it will call to you again sometime soon.

CaraBee said...

This blogging malaise seems to be going around. I'm not sure if it has to do with just how long we've been blogging, or the stages in our lives, or the blogosphere itself. Most likely all of the above. Whatever the case, sorry to see you stepping away from this blog but I'll be sure to check out your other efforts.

Ellie said...

Enjoy yourself, the family and the dogs! We'll still be around should you pop by to say hi.

Kristen said...

I once took a five year break from blogging. I just didn't feel like doing it. And then I felt like doing it again, and picked up where I left off.

Anyway, I'll keep PIS in my RSS reader in case you do the same.

SJ said...

I thought THIS was your fatherhood blog!
I've stopped blogging too. Completely. I still read a few including yours ... and now one less reason to look into my Reader feed.

Anonymous said...

I will miss you

People in the Sun said...

Martin, thanks. I think. You're always welcome THERE, though. I'm nicer there. It's not my fake side, just my good side.

Shelli, for a long time I was anti-Facebook, but it does make that part easier. The life and family updates part. I liked the calm and the anonymity of blogging here, but right now it's not very calming (or anonymous, really). You know?

Jill, it might. Thanks for visiting all this time. And you're always welcome to visit me THERE.

Cara, thanks. We will stay in touch, I'm sure. As the father of your daughter's future husband, it's important to me.

Ellie, thanks. And I will continue reading your blogs and other blogs here. I just might comment under a different name...

Kristen, yea, I remember now. Who knows... In five years I might get in-tune with my confusion again. Might happen sooner. Even.

SJ, I know what you mean. Things change. It's simple, really.

Anonymous, thank you. I'm not dead, you know. You can always find me on my other blog(s), and you can always track me down and surprise me one day with flowers or with a gun (depends on your reason for anonymity).

Loz said...

been there too - only advice is don't delete it. The time may come when you decide you need it again.

Natasha Olivera said...

You just followed me on twitter and for some reason I was intrigued to check you out. I just read this post and read through the comments and honestly, I can't help but to think that all those commenting are just trying to get a hit back at their own blog...I mean that's what we're supposed to do right? In order to get more traffic on our own blog? Network with other bloggers? Perhaps all these "tips" on how to increase or boost your blog traffic are what get bloggers into this rut? I don't know, I'm just talking out of my ass right now. I don't typically leave comments on other blogs, because quite frankly,I've only found a handful that I actually enjoy, but i don't know, something in your voice in this post just touched close to home. I stopped writing for almost 12 years. While all other mommy/daddy bloggers are blogging while their children are little and having fun writing about it...I stopped writing all together. I was too zapped from parenting (and being the wife of an infantry soldier who was constantly deployed) to even feel like I had the "right" to write. Anywho, my kids are 14 & 12 now and yup, I'm writing now. Not just my blog, but other stuff as well. But, nevertheless, I still feel guilty as times. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I feel you. But, hey, it's not like you're dead right?! :) I'm going to check out some of your other stuff now!

People in the Sun said...

Loz, thank you for that. Even though all of this came at a very hectic time in this house, which might explain my move, and although that hectic time is over, I've been feeling free-ish since I wrote this post. Of course, as soon as I wrote this post I also found myself having a lot to say about the Daily Show music-show/march in DC. It also came at the time to renew the domain, which I did for a year, so who knows...

Natasha, thanks. I've actually come to know many of these people on a very personal level. I think we all want people to visit our blogs. It's not just about feeling our views are valid and meaningful, and definitely not for fame and fortune, but for a sense of community, which I have felt throughout my time here. Thank you for reading, and I hope you come back to check on me here, or on Twitter, or on the other blog.

Anonymous said...

Hey ,

I really enjoyed reading your blog but never really bothered to actually leave a comment and now that you've stopped writing i still continue to check your blog off and on to see if you've changed your mind!
And to be outright honest i miss reading your posts.
Happy New year and hope you'd write something here again.

Take Care
-Anon

People in the Sun said...

Thanks! It's a strange feeling coming back here, I'll tell you that. Even for a short visit.

Tsedek said...

Pity. Sometimes it's nice to read and write about the (real or mental) escapades between the internet community. Not only the things that are most important to us (because family -especially children and grandchildren- ARE most important to us and occupying most of our interest).

Good luck :)

People in the Sun said...

Thanks! And you're right. But the more I come here, the clearer it is that this is it... I've changed, and my blog had a personality of its own, which is no longer my personality, you know?

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Just checking in to see if you resurfaced... hope you're well.

People in the Sun said...

Thanks, Florida Girl. I appreciate that. Everything is good. I'm still home with the two kids and the two dogs. I lost some of my hair, which is fine, whatever. I blame the helmets they made me wear in the army.

I'm just not here. And the longer I stay away, the more it seems like this is it. Who knows, and all that, but probably this is it.

But even if I'm not here, I hope you get to visit the blog I'm writing now, and its Twitter account, if you're into Twitter, as well as the blog's Facebook page and my own Facebook profile and my LinkedIn profile and my DeviantArt portfolio. Just joking about those last two.

I hope you're well too, and I hope we still manage to stay in touch.

kat said...

good luck....i will check back here too though

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