So we've just come back from Dover, Delaware, which is exactly like civilization, only less.
Imagine a church. Nothing fancy. Just a building with a cross. Now imagine a short drive from there you find a liquor store. Now imagine a car dealership next door. And finally, a moving company. Now imagine this pattern repeating itself over and over again along the most depressing road on the planet.
I'm exaggerating. This is only the most depressing place in America. Actually, it doesn't even look like America, because they must have taken all the American flags once the evil Commie Muslim usurper has taken over. Now they're just praying, getting drunk, and buying a car in the hope of getting the hell out of Dover.
Don't get me wrong. No one asked me to squeal like a pig, but that's just because people seemed too depressed.
We stayed at the Dover Downs, which also has slots. And apparently a bunch of small people beat up horses there every once in a while. I did push my way up to the 4th floor, past the breathalyzing great grandmas who've been sitting by the 1c machines since 1c was almost enough to buy you a ticket out of Dover, to find the Blackjack machines. Here's how it goes:
You sit with a few other people, just like you would at a regular blackjack table, only instead of a busty dealer giving you the cards, you have a video of a busty dealer giving you cards. For some reason, it felt even creepier to stare at her cleavage. Every once in a while, the virtual dealer pretends to see someone she knows. And she's always smiling, no matter how good or bad you do. The virtual dealers come and go, and when a cute one comes up, the other guys sitting with me say things like, "Yea, that's more like it!"
Hey guys, take a look at the view from our hotel window! Yep, it's the rooftop of the lobby!
When someone at the hotel saw I was there with a two-year-old and a month-old, she was nice enough to suggest a fun activity: go up and down the corridor!
And I tell you what. Baltimore always gets a bad rap. There's crime and heroin and racism and gentrification and parking is a drag and downtown traffic is messy and the harbor is dirty and sometimes life is not too easy around here, but coming back to Baltimore, you feel like you're finally in a place that makes sense.
And look, straight from Dover, DE, also known as the Hungary of the East Coast, to an open air concert in the park in Baltimore.