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11 February 2010

I have an idea for a new Adam Sandler movie!

Locke wheel
 
What happened was that Locke thought there was some kind of great REASON for him to be there, so he turned the wheel after he saw Jack's dad, and then Baltimore started traveling through time, because Locke is from around here, and finally we stabilized in the Ice Age.

Those thunder-snows, man! A thunder-storm, but with snow instead of rain. And it's really called a thunder-snow!

So I slept downstairs because Buddy was scared, and when I woke up--

Or was it the next day? I just don't remember. The days get mixed up in my head after this insanity. So one day we woke up and saw a leak in the bathroom upstairs. The sun was melting the snow on the roof, but it wasn't strong enough to melt the ice in the pipes, so water started getting into the walls and down the ceiling all the way to the kitchen downstairs, where we still have two large trash cans to collect water leaking from the ceiling.

So there was that.

A neighbor actually suggested I throw salt from the upstairs bathroom window onto the gutters on the roof, so I tried to do that but most of the salt fell straight on my face and inside my hair, and the pigeons were looking at me like I was crazy, because why is this guy standing there with his body out of the window, throwing salt on his head? It just didn't make sense!

And there were the five hours of shoveling a few days ago and another four today. I'm getting really good at that, I have to say. You know how you're about to dig your car out and there's so much snow that you don't even know where to start so you just stand there with your shovel and cry? Well, that probably won't even happen to me next time, because now I know exactly what I'm doing. This shit should be an Olympic sport. Or maybe it should be an Olympic sport in an Adam Sandler movie? They accidentally discover him while he digs his car out in five minutes. He doesn't play by the rules, but he has a heart of gold, and eventually the US shoveling team wins the gold medal.

I'm so tired...

The baby is no longer a baby. He's moved to his Big Boy Bed, which also means that by the time I've written this post he's already visited me 3 times. When he was in the crib and he woke up, he would either cry or try to go back to sleep. Now he just starts walking around the house.

And every once in a while, he says, "Go Saints!"

Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against you if you like Football, but you know, I'm just not from around here. Imagine you move to India and they tell you about this game named after a common bug, where people dress up in white and use a rectangle bat to get the ball to hit this tiny piece of wood, and you say, "Hey, that sound like fun," but they tell you, "NO! THAT'S NOT FUN! THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD, YOU FOOL!" So I like Football, but not living here as a kid, I just can't see the big deal. It's not you, it's me. Unless you love watching the Superbowl commercials, in which case, it is you.

14 comments:

SJ said...

I would rather watch that movie than watch American Football or cricket for that matter.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

I actually watched most of the Superbowl this time. But it was only because my aunt was having a party and New Orleans is so FUN! It wasn't really a bad game. My cousin played in the NFL, even played in one Superbowl and I still don't really get the obsession. It's a ball game.

I know you've been through the wringer and everything but the description of the bird's eye view of you throwing salt on your head is SO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm trying to remember how I kept my babies in their rooms after they graduated from not-sleeping in a crib to not-sleeping in a bed. However I did it, I'm sure I somehow spared them being emotionally scarred for life. I hope.

People in the Sun said...

SJ, I mean, he looked so dumb, but in the end, he was fooling everyone. And he got the girl!

Jill, he just decided he wanted Big Boy Bed. We put him there to nap a couple of times, and he liked it. It actually makes life a little easier, because when he wakes up at 4am, I don't have to go downstairs to bring him up anymore. He's just there, climbing our bed half asleep. It's pretty cute, actually.

Oh my God, I love my new computer!

Blues said...

Oh my god, I laughed throughout this entire post.

B said...

Aww, big boy bed! How exciting! A new stage in his little life.

People in the Sun said...

Blues, how dare you laugh at my misery?!

B, yep. Yep. Yep. He still sleeps with two monkeys, a bear, a book, two cars, and a duck-cow. Yep, a duck-cow.

formerly fun said...

Olympic snow shoveling? Perfect.

It was actually a moment digging my car out of a Wisconsin snowstorm in which I decided to accept a job offer in sunny southern California.

Anne Lyken-Garner said...

What a funny post! You should do stand-up comedy.

People in the Sun said...

Formerly Fun, I know what you mean. I wonder every winter why anyone would choose to experience this weather. But still, when it snowed again yesterday but there was no accumulation, I was a little disappointed. I'm a little sad putting the shovel back behind the dryer. Just when I was getting good at it...

Anne, thanks!

A Free Man said...

I love American football, but not the NFL. Also love cricket. Have you ever read "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy". The role of cricket in that book made me want to be a fan and now that I'm a proud subject of the former British Empire I have an excuse to be a fan.

My older boy got out of bed at 3 am last night, wandered into my bedroom and punched me in the groin.

So quit bitching about a bit of snow.

Frosty said...

"Now he just starts walking around the house."

I almost died. At that to my list of Reasons Why I'm Afraid Of Children. And yet, my little clock keeps on ticking and ticking and ticking ....

People in the Sun said...

Freeman, I did read it in high school, but I think the cricket part was in the third book--the one I realized I didn't really read when I finished reading it, you know? I have a lot of books like that. My eyes move and I turn pages, but I'm not really reading.

And I'm sure you had it coming.

Frosty, and now it's 2pm and he's been napping for an hour, but he's not really. I can hear him reading a book in bed. He's going through the pages and at the end shouts, "The End." If I stay out there's a chance he'll actually go back to sleep... This baby thing is complicated.

LiteralDan said...

I also relied on experience to carry me through cringe-inducing amounts of snow all over and around my car. Just gotta start diggin'.

My worst ever was a car that sat for weeks in my driveway in Northern Maine, with my landlord's plow burying it a little more each time he went by while we were on vacation.

The car was white, too, so it made the snow seem infinite.

Is your duck-cow a true hybird, or two stuffed animals sewn together for comedic effect. (My brother found the kids animals like that, and they love them. Shark Dinosaur, yay!)

People in the Sun said...

LiteralDan, it's a true Satanic hybrid. I'm sure I can find a picture somewhere... Here. Something like that, but more MANLY.

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