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20 January 2010

In Which Our Hero Gets Into a Fight

Baltimore Snow

So there's the Daddy Group thingy I go to once or twice a week. It's winter, so now instead of going to parks, we meet indoors. Last week we met at this guy's house. Of course, I've already established here that I'm a douche, so the first thing I do when I enter is tell him his Ravens sign is all wrong. I've never been to his house, I hardly know the guy, and that's what I do. It's just... I had to say something...

See, the sign had the big Ravens logo, and underneath it said (with the capitalized words painted purple), "Count ON Losing This Saturday." Which doesn't spell COLTS. It spells CONLTS.

But he laughs, and I think maybe he didn't understand what I said, which is probably for the best.

A bunch of us are sitting there. Some of the kids play with each other, others play by themselves. He's giving out coffee and bagels. He has a lot of toys. The whole thing is pretty pleasant.

Then, while everyone starts eating the bagels, one of the host's 4-year-old twins blocks my way to the kitchen. With his leg. Now, I have a few options.

1. I can ask the host to ask his son to move his leg.
2. I can walk around the boy.
3. I can ask him to move his leg.
4. I can move his leg.
5. I can grab his leg, kick the table with it, and say, "Why are you kicking the table? Are you crazy? What's wrong with you? Stop kicking the table!"

Yep.

So now that kid, his twin brother, and another girl are chasing me around the house. They stand in front of me to block my way. Then I turn around and they start climbing over me. Now I'm looking back and see these two blond identical twins hanging on to me, and I'm no longer in their father's house--I'm in a horror movie. These kids will start eating me soon, and they will not stop until I pray for the sweet release of death.

But I get over that, and while they're still on top of me, holding on to my clothes, I sit down on the couch, with the host's kids as cushions.

And I'm thinking to myself, "I've made the right choice. Kids like to play, and I like to play with kids, and sure, it was a bit rough, and for a moment, a bit scary, but in the end, it's all about having FUN!"

But my thoughts are interrupted by the twins' tearful screams. Apparently I went too far.

23 comments:

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I remember u tweeting about this, but the whole story is funnier! Bwahahahaha... I know I seem twisted, but there is nothing worse than having to pry obnoxious kids off of u when they are not yours and you're at a play group!

They won't do it again right?

Effective.

Rol said...

Sometimes, violence is the only way, grasshopper.

Kristen said...

Well, as long as you didn't kill him... did you?

People in the Sun said...

Shelle, thing is, if I did it to my boy, he would have complained for a second and then continued playing, because he wouldn't have had anyone to cry to. But because they didn't know me, and because their father was there, they sat by him and continued crying. Probably expecting him to kick my ass. Poor guy had to tell them, "See? That's what happens when you play rough." And I don't really mind prying the kids off me. Usually playing with them makes more sense to me then talking with the adults about sports.

Rol, you're telling me that years from now I will die due to autoerotic asphyxiation? Well, I guess if you're gonna go, at least go smiling.

Kristen, not to my knowledge. Although I wouldn't know, because I haven't shown my face since then...

SJ said...

Hmmm interesting so how rough si too rough with kids? This is all very complicated I am buying a lifetime's supply of condoms or getting a vascetomy.

People in the Sun said...

SJ, there has to be a place between not acknowledging other kids to having the kids crying to their daddy. I'm searching for that place.

Frost said...

You definitely have me beat in the awkward department.

FishHawk said...

"People in the Sun" has been included in this weeks Sites To See. I hope you like the image I featured, and I hope this helps to attract many new visitors here.

http://asthecrackerheadcrumbles.blogspot.com/2010/01/sites-to-see_22.html

A Free Man said...

4 year olds are such pansies.

People in the Sun said...

Frost, that's why I avoid leaving this room.

FishHawk, thank you!

Freeman, right? And there were two of them, and only one of me!

cadilacjax said...

Ha, I can relate.. Oh I have twin great nephews and they are a handful..evil smile... and my nieces from another is even more so at times. They came by this past wkend. and I could not for the life of me get them to leave me alone...jumping up and down all over..WTH..guess that's how kids are wouldn't have it any other way. Now as for strangers' kids. Hmm..that's a whole new ballgame.
Nice fun site you have here. Thanks to FishHawk I found it.
Lee's Shizzle blog..

People in the Sun said...

Hey, thanks Cadilacjax! And welcome.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Oh well. At least it sounds like dad was okay with it. My dad used to say almost the exact same thing I think - "When you play rough someone is going to get hurt"...or something like that. And also, "If it still hurts in a week, tell me again."

And funny AFM!!!!

People in the Sun said...

Jill, I met the father on Thursday and told him to tell his kids he kicked my ass. But he told me again not to worry. Apparently, since then, their grandfather made them cry.

I guess that means the next fight is between me and Grandpa.

Sarah said...

Wow, I need to login and read more often :). Good stuff on here!

People in the Sun said...

Sarah, I understand you need to take a break from me every once in a while. (but thanks for visiting.)

Blues said...

Please don't get kicked out of that play group. It's much too good blog fodder to lose it.

People in the Sun said...

Blues, don't worry. They need my good looks for the calendar.

Ellie said...

At least you weren't charged with child abuse! Though maybe you could have charged them.

Sebastien said...

Going too far is always the best part, haha! kids are such hilarious fun...

Did I tell you that one of my friend's grandkids saw my drunky bear drawings and has been drawing her own drunky bear!! too funny, she gives him his own alcohol tshirt and her drunky bear takes lots of pictures of his favorite thing... alcohol!!! I need to get a pic and post the drawings on my blog. I am an inspiration to the youth.

People in the Sun said...

Ellie, that's right. I should have sued! I've had so much mental anguish, that I had to write a post about it! (you're getting half of the settlement.)

Sebastien, your friends have grandkids? And it's fine for bears to drink alcohol. That's actually how you tame them.

Jeronimo said...

very funny pits. let them pick on someone their own size.
and hey, look, i'm back! after only 2 years and 6 months!

People in the Sun said...

Welcome back, Jeronimo!

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