What day was State of the Union? I wanted to watch it live, but it started just before the baby was going to sleep, so instead of me watching it by myself while Honey put the baby down, she suggested we DVR it and watch it together. Rock'n'roll, Baby, whatever turns you on.
But apparently it wasn't a romantic date. An hour later, when we actually started watching, she was a little tired. When Obama said what he said about the Supreme Court, and Alito, who decided to go without his glasses to look cool, shook his head and said, "Simply not true," I said, "Honey, did you see what Alito just did?" And she said, "Yes." But then I realized her eyes were closed, and probably had been closed for a while.
I had a friend in school, who always took his glasses off to impress the girls. He sometimes even had a cigarette in his mouth. But he had Asthma, and he couldn't see without his glasses, so that look didn't really work for him.
Anyway, did you see that Baltimore thing, with Obama vs. 140 Douchebags? Motherfucker is gooood. These people spend their days calling him a Kenyan terrorist Communist Muslin abortion loving pervert, but when he comes over, they push each other to get his autograph.
A few weeks ago, last time it snowed, our crazy neighbor started shoveling the entire block at 6am. I woke up and just stood by the window, watching her, thinking about the most offensive thing I could tell her. Honey said I needed to relax.
Today's snow storm has just ended, which means the neighbor is down there now. It's 10pm, and she's just started shoveling the block. Again, I stood by the window, and Honey told me I needed to relax.
"What the fuck is wrong with her?" I asked.
"You need to relax."
"Look at her... It has to be a perfect square. She can't just shovel a path. It has to be perfect. Look at that. It's like it didn't snow today. And... Oh my God, she's moving to the next house... She's crazy!"
"You need to relax. You can't just stand there and watch her all night."
"OK. What if I told you there was a crazy person doing crazy things outside? Wouldn't you come to the window and watch him?"
"Yes, but she's been shoveling our snow for seven years now."
So now I'm downstairs, waiting for the neighbor to finish shoveling the block. I've been banished.
It was my birthday this week. 37-years-old. I don't know what else to say. I love round numbers, so 37 is just stupid.
Now the dogs are barking. Maybe it's because there's a crazy woman with a shovel outside. Fucking cunt. Sorry.
Things have been pretty good here. It's not easy right now, but we'll make it. And it's worth it. If she has Honey's face and my brain, that girl is going to be beautiful. Not that clever, but beautiful.
By the way, I wrote another review on Ask And Ye Shall Receive. It will probably be out there on Monday. Have fun reading it and tell me what you think.
It's been half an hour. I think I'm supposed to go upstairs now.
The Way The South Was Won (By A Yankee)
My friend Sally hails from a prominent southern family. In her father's Charleston home hangs a portrait of her relative fondly referred to as 'The Major.' ...