26 May 2009

See you in two weeks

Again, it's time to follow in the footsteps of Jesus and head on East. There will be stories when I come back. And pictures of cute babies. And that's about it. But it will be fun, so don't abandon me.

Meanwhile, head on to Puntabulous and see my speaking role in The Starship Puntabulous.

And you still have some time to vote for the Wishful Writer in Murphy-Goode, PICK ME!

And see what you can do to help Jeff get his business off the ground in Thank you! I'll TAKE that help.

And click that "Random Post" tab above the header (or here). It will take you places.

Speaking of the Star Trek movie, if you go back in time after your civilization is destroyed, do you spend all your time getting revenge for something that hasn't happened yet, or do you try to prevent it from happening? Or are all the explosions and sound effects supposed to stop me from asking silly questions?

And finally, here's a video of a cute baby talking on his cell.

17 May 2009

A Short Post About Human Nature

A Short Post About Human Nature
It was a nice day, so we took a walk around the block.

Look at the big bus! Cover your ears! It's an ambulance! How cute you are when you say Hi to everyone you see... Maybe I should do the same?
Where are you? Oh.

He was standing a few feet behind me, looking at the ground, then walking slowly in a circle. I walked back and saw the caterpillar.

Look how many legs he's got! He's cute, right?

It was slowly moving toward him, then it arched its back and turned the other way. We followed it. My little kid interested in nature. How cute!

We continued following it.

If you look closely, you'll see this is the head. It's hard to tell which side is the head, right? It's a funny creature. It's called a C-A-T-E-R-P-I-L-L-A-R. Look how all the legs are moving together! Wait!!!

Why the fuck did you do that for?

07 May 2009

So a Jew goes to a strip club

Sherwood Forest

It's funny. And it's fun. But it's not sexy.

Baltimore strippers are completely nude. Good for us. So this woman goes up on the table, takes her bikini off, and starts dancing, which is already a bit silly. Maybe I just didn't have time to find her attractive, or maybe I'm already too drunk by this point, but here's a completely naked woman dancing in front of me, and nothing.

And I'm not alone there. The guys in the table next to ours completely ignore their dancer because they're watching the boxing match. They have a vagina in front of their faces but they're watching the guys hit each other.

At this point I'm becoming very philosophical.

Because I have a dancing vagina in front of my face, but here comes the fully clothed waitress and I'm thinking, "When she bends over to serve the drinks, maybe if I lower my body enough I'll be able to see her panties!"

And it's a bit pervy, but considering I have a dancing vagina in front of my face, it's not too bad.

So the waitress leaves, and the boxing match ends on the second round, and I have to confront the dancing vagina again. I buy a beer and get $14 change in dollar bills, which I assume I need to hand over to the dancing vagina. But I don't, because it's all just so weird. It's not even primal or "true nature of Man" or whatever. It's just what it is: you're holding a dollar bill in your mouth and she picks it up with her boobies, and, what, that's a turn on? So I don't do that.

Maybe if I weren't drunk, and maybe if my Honey wasn't home with the baby, or maybe if this woman took her time taking her bikini off instead of...

And what's with all the shaving? You're not a mannequin. You're not a 5-year-old girl. You're a woman. I'm not saying Sherwood Forest, but give me something.

I like sexy. I've got nothing against sexy. And I'm not uncomfortable or anything.

But it's just so silly. A bunch of dudes staring at a vagina.
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