Sometimes shit is too much, you know? The quadruple bypass surgery shit.
My dad needs to re-learn to live. He can't let the shit get to him anymore. When he leaves the hospital, he needs to commit himself to living right, to setting his priorities, to take it easy. And he has no idea how to do that. Sixty-five years of anger and stress and PTSD is a lot to get over, but maybe this shit he's going through is so traumatic that it just might work.
Even though I have to deal with the guilt of not being able to visit him in the hospital, I'm the real beneficiary of this whole heart-attack and surgery shit.
I know the kind of food he eats, the number of hours he sleeps at night, I know his anger and his stress. And I know I'm a lot like him. I imagine him lying in the hospital, a big man like him with his chest cut open, and I know I don't want to get there. I know I can't stress over things beyond my control, and I know I have to set my priorities and let go of the rest, and I know I have to find time to relax. And I have to sleep, and exercise, and eat well, and be content, because when I'm sixty-five I want to go on a goddamn cruise and get Isaac to pour me a fucking Martini.
My priorities right now are simple. I have a pregnant wife who needs me to bring her laundry up, and a little kid who needs me to put the Elmo video and sit with him and watch this shit again and again and again. Piece of cake.
(By the way, you know I just pretend watching vintage Elmo is a chore. I know there are haters among you, but Elmo is a fellow Baltimorean, and I respect him for that.)
12 comments:
Thoughts and prayers to you and your family. I imagine it's traumatizing and stressful enough to have a parent in the hospital, but to not be there must be agonizing for you. I hope you and your family get through this as smoothly as possible.
Love to ya my brother!
Have you seen Invader Zim? I've just been getting into that show, animated, used to be a Nickolodeon... good fun, might be a nice escape for you. I think there are quite a few episodes on youtube.
Thanks, Sebastien. I can handle a lot of things, but then a few things happen at the same time and I lose it. And then I have a toothache and all I can do is think about my poor tooth, which makes me feel guilty about my stupid tooth.
It's okay. I went to the dentist today. Looks like one less thing to worry about.
I will look at the videos. Thanks.
That's the nasty thing about shit. It happens.
Wishing your father a quick recovery.
Oh no! I'm sorry. :-(
That priority thing is SO HARD! Especially this time of year.
Sending another wish for a speedy recovery. Jill
SJ, you're right about that. I don't think I was really prepared, though. And thank you.
Jill, thank you. I believe we'll all get to some kind of Truth one day. We'll all realize either what we have to do or what we were supposed to do but didn't.
Shit is shit. We've had a lot of shit lately and you're right. You deal by going through the day to day and just carrying on.
Now, as far as Elmo is concerned - I wouldn't mind him but why does he have to refer to himself in the third person? Is he freaking royalty? What? Thank god we've moved on to Nemo lately.
I'm sorry to hear about your father and wish you and him well with that.
I'm impressed to hear Elmo is from Baltimore, didn't know that.
Shit, best wishes from here.
And 'not being able to be there' is very hard to cope with.
Freeman, I can deal with shit, generally speaking, but when more than one thing happens at the same time I lose it.
Elmo is a monster, and he has his own people's way of speaking (even if he is from Baltimore). As an immigrant I was hoping you would understand.
Cooper, thank you. They tell me he's doing better. Haven't had a chance to talk to him since the operation. He's on a phone-free diet, which is the best diet for stressed people.
And here's the real Elmo.
Xbox, thank you. If things were different I would have been there already, you know? But it's also a bad time for me to leave right now. Honey's telling me she's fine, but between work, the pregnancy, the 2-year-old, and the two dogs, I'm staying here for now.
ooowah, ooowah, ooowah... being out of the circulation for a while and then ending up here seeing you not only have a lovely son but another baby on the way as well. life sure goes quickly.
about your father. you know, everybody has their own life and make their own choices. when i smoke (and i do) i make a choice and take the responsibility. same with your father with other choices. In the end you cannot do anything else but hope for the ones you love because control you have only over yourself :-)
Beachdiary, if cigarettes help you deal with stress, then the damage evens out, right? When I was a smoker, I used to have a cigarette in my mouth and think, "You know what I could really use right now? A cigarette!" And be serious about it too.
Still, I think something like that could be treated as a gift. When you get to a point where your stomach is being cut by a doctor who tells you you must change your life, you might actually do that and live a better life than you've ever had.
Some people rather enjoy what they enjoy because it makes life more enjoyable for them than live longer without enjoying it.
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