So this happened on Tuesday. It was getting late, and things around here were winding down. Honey was about to put the baby to sleep, then go upstairs. I was getting ready to go online and tell people they're stupid and racist. But Buddy was crying downstairs, so I went to check on him.
It's not that rare that this crazy dog cries. He's very attached to his toy, and if anyone else accidentally touches it and makes it squeak, Buddy will grab it, lay it down on his cushion, and cry for hours. But I went to check, just to make sure.
There was a puddle of blood on the kitchen floor.
Buddy had gone outside to pee more than usual, I remembered, and he actually puked a little an hour earlier, which also wasn't a big deal (considering his age and the fact that the baby pretty much shares his meals with him). But he never peed blood before.
In the car, on the way to the vet, I sang songs about a dog named Buddy who was a very good boy. I told him that I expected him to live for at least 3 to 4 more years. Then I corrected myself and said, "Let's make it two. I just... I want Liam to remember you..." And I cried and I cried...
So the vet quickly examines him, takes a sample of the blood he left on the floor in her office, and then she has a talk with me. I'm sitting down.
If it happened to a female dog, it would most likely have been a urinary tract infection. But it was very rare for males. Still, it was a possibility. But it could be a kidney stone. Or cancer. They were going to do x-rays and blood work and many other tests and rule out stuff and they would let me know what was going on as soon as possible.
So I was pacing and pacing in the waiting room, and then I was calm enough to start watching "Hawthorne," a medical drama series on TNT, starring Jada Pinkett Smith. Did you know hospital workers work very long hours? They mentioned that there. And there's romance between the doctors and the nurses, and power plays. It was painful. It had every medical drama cliché we've seen on every medical drama series, only with worse acting. I peeked into the treatment area. Nothing.
Then "Saving Grace" started. It's a police drama starring Holly Hunter. There was a body in the freezer, but it was just a prank! Cops work very long hours, and they fall in love with each other, and they often take their work home with them! But to diffuse the tension, they pull pranks on each other too. The vet came outside only to thank me for being patient. No news yet.
Then another "Hawthorne." This was actually a repeat of the one they showed an hour earlier. But I watched it again anyway. How can the doctor not know she's in love with him? Why do people play games like that? Where the fuck was my dog?
And then the vet came back and told me that the bad things had been ruled out, and that even though a urinary tract infection was rare for males, his old age means that's likely what it was.
And was I overcome with joy? See, that's the kind of person I am: I hear these great news and all I can think is, "I can't believe you made me watch this shit. Twice!"
The Way The South Was Won (By A Yankee)
My friend Sally hails from a prominent southern family. In her father's Charleston home hangs a portrait of her relative fondly referred to as 'The Major.' ...