
I wanted to write about my torture device.
This is actually an antique from the Middle-Ages, originally used to remind people who forgot they were Jewish that they were indeed the children of Abraham.
You climb a little step. It's pretty comfortable. A nice handle on each side. Very stable. Look, it's a little cup-holder thingy. And look at all these buttons!
So this post was supposed to be about the torture device I have upstairs, the one that makes my face look like a ripe tomato, makes me cry inside, scares me... The torture device I hate because it reminds me on a nearly-daily basis how I have let myself go.
I mean, there are people who exercise, and there are cool people like me. There are people who put themselves through shit, and there are people who know life's too short. There are "You-can-do-it!" self-delusional yuppie douchebags, and there are those who know life was never meant to be a struggle.
So why do I do it? I don't know. Because it's there. And because the doctor told me I had to do it if I wanted to see my son grow up.
And on Father's Day I sent the boy and his mother away to grandma, and I climbed my torture device, and I pressed some buttons. And I finally reached 5 miles, which was my Father's Day gift to myself.
So I wanted to write about all that, but instead, here's a video for Honey:
God From The Machine
-
Maybe it’s the dread of the White Death that is coming to Bagwine, Ohio and
the 8-12 inches of snow we’re supposed to get from it but man…
I had one helluv...
2 minutes ago






24 comments
Comment by Kristen on 11:13 PM
I picked the exact same MJ video to post yesterday. I thought I was being so unique. It's a classic though, isn't it?
Comment by SJ on 12:53 AM
I would walk a mile in your torture device even with my own shoes.
Comment by SJ on 4:32 AM
I mean WOULDN'T
Comment by Xbox4NappyRash on 9:32 AM
The irony drips off that video.
Comment by Blues on 3:32 PM
I have that same medieval thing. It is located next to my bed, in hopes that I will just roll out of bed and start exercising. Unfortunately it has become a really expensive and ultra modern clothes hanging device. If I thought I felt guilty for not exercising before, my guilt has no limits with this thing in my bedroom with clothes strung all over it.
Love the video.
Comment by Ellie on 2:45 AM
I am the member of a club full of torture devices! It's sad when you grow up to realise yourself a masochist.
Comment by People in the Sun on 11:07 AM
Kristen, oops. At least we've subconsciously copied each other in a good way. We could have put "You are not alone."
SJ, too late. You get the first mile. I need volunteers for the next 4.
Xbox, because he never grew up, right? The guy's life was two-dimensional like this room.
Blues, it's easy to lose this thing in piles of clothes. The getting up and exercising could have been fun if it wasn't for the exercise part. I don't like to go to the dentist, not because I don't like him, but because it hurts so much I want to chop my head off. So why should I willingly get on this thing and start running when I can have a cup of coffee instead? I don't get it.
Ellie, I just don't see it as a smart use of our God-given time on Earth. If God wanted us to run he would have put around us animals that wanted to kill us, and not just put a few of them in zoos, right?
Comment by girlgriot on 6:20 PM
Hmm ... I'm just about to acquire a cast-off torture device. Mine will be its third home. It has passed, virtually unused, through the homes of two of my co-workers.
Of course, at the same time that I acquire this device, I'll also aquire a big cushy arm chair. Guess which one I think is going to get the most use!
Comment by People in the Sun on 12:22 AM
I mentioned in another post (I think), that when I was a mover in New York, I would see many of these things abandoned on the sidewalk on trash day. And many times they were just left in the house when someone moved--let another person deal with the guilt of not exercising.
You should get one of them belts that move your insides while you watch TV on your new armchair.
Comment by Florida Girl In Sydney on 3:47 AM
Five miles??? You are a far better man than me.
Comment by People in the Sun on 12:23 AM
It is crazy, I admit. But just to make sure I don't feel too good about myself, I tried to run outside yesterday. That didn't work out too good. I started walking back after a few minutes, crying. Inside, but still. One step at a time.
Comment by A Free Man on 12:38 AM
This has nothing to do with anything, but I've been watching The Wire - based in part on a comment that you left a while back. Your city looks like a shithole, man. Or is that just dramatic license?
Great fucking television, though.
Comment by People in the Sun on 1:44 AM
Apparently it's the biggest tourist destination in the US (for Americans). The harbor is beautiful. And the baseball stadium is vintage-y. And there are great street festivals. Yesterday a guy locked himself in his house after the police was called because he chased his teenage neighbors with a machete, which gave me a lot of opportunities to show my kid the police H-E-L-I-C-O-P-T-E-R. We even waved! I don't think there's much dramatic license in that show. But it's a big city. You can live here for years, and unless you were born in some of these areas you will never see them. The city has great potential. Maybe when the recession ends.
Comment by Daisy on 7:01 AM
lol you have a fun blog! So I voted for you at BOTB... ;-)
Comment by cooper on 11:29 PM
That is a rather creep video in retrospect. I've never seen it.
You vacation looked better than the one I won't have this summer.
You do want to watch your son grow up so maybe torturing yourself to some non MJ video woudl help.
I always prefer running outdoors if possible. I bet your son could start running...might as well start running with him because soon he will be running faster than you.
I was a little confused at first. I thought you might have been taking part in some kind of "youth dew" facial in order to make yourself look younger, though I should have known better.
I hope to be back before he is 10. He is so adorable.
Comment by Jill/Twipply Skwood on 11:17 PM
I don't think I've ever seen that video - though I used to have the book AND the record!
I've exercised all of my adult life, taking off about two years per child (one per pregnancy and one for that entire infant year in which the thought, "Somebody help me!!!! I have a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!" took up all my energy and didn't leave time for exercise.
It's good stuff exercise. I hate it, hate it hate it. But I believe it to be the reason I'm not on prescription antidepressants. Besides, I enjoy fitting into my clothing.
Good luck making friends with the torture device. You get used to it.
Comment by People in the Sun on 11:15 AM
Daisy, why, thank you.
Cooper, "youth dew"? Man, I look better now than I did 20 years ago! I'm the Patrick Dempsey of the blogging world!
Jill, you know, 10 years ago, when I was 20-something and knew everything there was to know about the world, I would have looked down at people who ran on moving platforms. I probably would have found a hidden metaphor! But I have bigger tofu to fry now. I do what I need to do, you know?
Comment by Dusty on 4:57 AM
Holy fuckamoly..another damn MJ video? You douchebag you!
just kidding.. ;p
I have lost 50 lbs this year. I had to if I wanted to live pain-free according to MY doctor. He lied..I still have back pain from the three blown discs..it's just not as often or as bad.
It cost me a bloody fortune to buy new clothes that actually stayed on my body after the weight loss. ;)
Comment by People in the Sun on 2:23 AM
Dusty, first of all, I put the video here when it was still cool. This week, MJ is out and Mrs. Slocombe is in.
Secondly, I dedicated the video to Honey, because a few months ago she showed me this video from the movie she grew up on. So putting the video here shows I LISTEN, which gives me some points, and a get-out-of-jail card next time I fuck up.
Comment by Susan on 1:00 PM
I just had to comment since your comment on my review today was about the only one to save me from suicide.
Thanks for the salvation.
Comment by Sebastien on 4:58 PM
Ahhh, I love exercise.
Did I mention that I also hate myself?
Comment by People in the Sun on 1:12 AM
Susan, hey, saving people from suicides is the least I could do. Sometimes they have a little bit of a herd mentality over there. But I did get to know some really cool bloggers there. Hope you stick around there (and here).
Sebastien, that's perfect for you, then! My device also has a built-in MP3 player that's loud enough to be audible if the treadmill doesn't move. As soon as you start walking you can't hear anything. Which is perfect if you hate yourself.
Comment by Not Afraid to Use It on 3:17 PM
I've used our torture device two days in a row now, and I am embarassingly sore. I hear you about the sad reminder of letting oneself go. I think I need a brownie to make myself feel better.
Comment by People in the Sun on 12:43 AM
Two days in a row? You need to give yourself one day to feel good about yourself. That's how it goes: One day you exercise and wish for a black hole to swallow the universe, and the next day you tell everyone that you're a runner, and that's it's "no big deal."
Post a Comment