It's funny. And it's fun. But it's not sexy.
Baltimore strippers are completely nude. Good for us. So this woman goes up on the table, takes her bikini off, and starts dancing, which is already a bit silly. Maybe I just didn't have time to find her attractive, or maybe I'm already too drunk by this point, but here's a completely naked woman dancing in front of me, and nothing.
And I'm not alone there. The guys in the table next to ours completely ignore their dancer because they're watching the boxing match. They have a vagina in front of their faces but they're watching the guys hit each other.
At this point I'm becoming very philosophical.
Because I have a dancing vagina in front of my face, but here comes the fully clothed waitress and I'm thinking, "When she bends over to serve the drinks, maybe if I lower my body enough I'll be able to see her panties!"
And it's a bit pervy, but considering I have a dancing vagina in front of my face, it's not too bad.
So the waitress leaves, and the boxing match ends on the second round, and I have to confront the dancing vagina again. I buy a beer and get $14 change in dollar bills, which I assume I need to hand over to the dancing vagina. But I don't, because it's all just so weird. It's not even primal or "true nature of Man" or whatever. It's just what it is: you're holding a dollar bill in your mouth and she picks it up with her boobies, and, what, that's a turn on? So I don't do that.
Maybe if I weren't drunk, and maybe if my Honey wasn't home with the baby, or maybe if this woman took her time taking her bikini off instead of...
And what's with all the shaving? You're not a mannequin. You're not a 5-year-old girl. You're a woman. I'm not saying Sherwood Forest, but give me something.
I like sexy. I've got nothing against sexy. And I'm not uncomfortable or anything.
But it's just so silly. A bunch of dudes staring at a vagina.
30 comments:
It seems to take all the fun out of sex to just put the genitals right in front of your face. I feel the same way about watching porn sometimes. I just see genitals and it seems so...medical or something. How is it supposed to turn me on to see a freaking crotch? A crotch man. A Crotch. A CROTCH!
Isn't the crotch region like the last thing we get to when at this point we're crazy fired up and are now able to process genitalia?
It's like being served dessert when you haven't even had your appetizers yet. Your palette ain't even ready for that shit. WTF.
I've nothing against strip clubs, in fact they are great!
I just don't want to share my nekkid with any other dudes.
Oooh..what blues said!!!!!
Even more surreal is a trip to the "women's washroom" at a strip club. There IS no women's washroom - it's the stripper's locker room. And if you think seeing the vags on stage is de-sexy, try hanging out with them and their baby wipes in the can.
It's funny, just the other day I was saying the idea of porn was much better than the actually watching it. I think the same is true of strip clubs. It's the stripping that is appealing, not the vulgar nudity.
Oh, my friend. You're not kidding. There's very little sexy about it.
AND, the waitresses are usually better looking than the strippers. Something about that just isn't right.
I guess I should cancel the evening I planned to take my husband to the strip club tonight-- he surely will not enjoy it.
All the above comments are chock full o' truth, especially blues' comment, and Xbox's sharing idea, to a certain extent (kinda takes you out of the moment).
And I totally agree about the shaving. Especially for a father of a young daughter, that's a sure-fire way to really torpedo a moment.
I once went to a strip club meant for women. I got all embarrassed because deep down I am a prude. I'm glad the guy dancing all around me didn't take off his g string because I don't like to look at penises.
Blues, the crotch is just something we endure. It's the rain before the rainbow.
Xbox, see, that's another thing. It's like every dude is aware of the other dude thinking, "Man, I'd put my thing in this thing." And it's like, I don't want to think about your thing. I got my own thing, thank you.
Dusty, that's two votes against crotches.
Praying, gross gross gross.
CaraBee, yea, they just went up there and it was like their bikinis were on fire. So it was kinda funny but that's about it.
Seals, I have a feeling that if the waitress had gone up I would have found someone else to look at, you know?
Florida Girl, that's right. Tell him it's because of me. I've just made a friend for life.
Dan, you know, I'm not a biologist. I don't need to know exactly what it looks like. It needs to be a little more mysterious. Can you imagine Narnia without the wardrobe?
Enemy, me neither!
When I was in Vegas I too was mostly unenthralled by the dancing in fact I felt better when a stripper started talking to me trying to score a lap dance (that she dancing on my lap) or something. She smelt good that I remember. And I was a single guy far away from home.
I love this post. I completely agree with you.
I remember an episode of Happy Days where 2 of the guys were looking at nude pictures, and one of them said "man, I'd like to see her in a tight sweater."
I used to frequent the titty bars with a few friends waaaaay back. My friend knew the owner, so we got free beer and easy entertainment.
I started noticing each time I went back that the girls only had one dance, one song, very little moves. And on and on it goes.
VERY BORING...switch it up bitches!!
Also, Ive never liked bald vaginez. I dont get it. but then again there was a time where men got off looking at an exposed ankle lol
I guess I should get with the times :op
Yeah there isn't all that much sexy about your standard strip club is there? Depressing maybe. I'm with you on the shaving as well.
That's far too much information from me.
I was never into strip clubs, its so cheap, it makes women cheap, I went to many strip clubs and I never enjoyed my time there, call me a wierdo but the sex industry in the US is just so sleezy and people are making money out of those poor women who many of them hate what they are doing, sorry to say but men are asshole!
So a Jew goes to a strip club and? Where's the f-ing punch line?
Huh. So men don't like strip clubs. You learn something new every day. *shrug shrug* I don't understand then, why do women that dance at titty bars make so much money? It's ridiculously good money. I mean, it's at the expense of their self esteem and self respect and all, of course, but still, sometimes I think if I could dance...KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!
My hubz just got a new pair of cowboy boots. I wanted to try them on. I stood there admiring them on my feet and while he admired the fact that I'd tried them on with just a t-shirt and panties on. See? That's a lot better than me shoving my vagine all up in his face.
How horrible it all sounds, especially for a woman who debases herself while men sit around watching a game calling her a dancing vagina.
SJ, at least when they sit next to you, you feel like a human being with a functioning brain, rather than a caveman with a few dollar bills.
Frosty, Yes, we can.
Tom, that's a good one. To be fair, the tight sweaters in the fifties were pretty sexy.
Ophelia, the way they slide down and almost hit the ground but stop themselves with their legs is impressive. But then they can't really top that, and you're left with bad music and a short bouncer with a suit he got for his bar-mitzvah, looking at you funny.
Freeman, that's too much information from me, too. I couldn't just let that one go... And that's nothing. Soon the Google Perverts will start coming... I already had a visitor here who Googled "Jew vag."
Ali, yes they are. And even in the few places owned by women and where you know the strippers are treated well, the premise is that men love to feel like kings of the world as long as they have a couple of small bills in their pockets.
SJ, and while he's there, he thinks about what he's going to write about it. That's probably a good punchline.
Jill, it's like a game that everyone plays. When I expressed my "And now what?" I was told to just sit back and enjoy the "It's what men do." You're not supposed to think about it. We go there because we're taught to obsess about the female body, and we go there because women smile at us and maybe we need that more than we admit, and we go there because we need to feel like kings for the night even though we're poor and a little sad. Maybe.
Mongoliangirl, see what I mean? And even that sexy moment would have been ruined if bad music had been played in the background. Someone needs to tell them that I can fantasize I'm the pole (was I supposed to do that? Not sure), and I can fantasize that I'm the only one in the bar, and I can even fantasize that even without the dollar bill I would have gotten that loving smile, but there's a limit to my imagination. I can't listen to bad music and pretend to enjoy myself.
Cooper, in that bar, apparently many of the women are students. Many go to MICA. But then they make money by going downtown and operating on a detached level. We've all been there. We smile when we work in retail because that's what they pay us to do. And for the customers, our opinions and life stories and ambitions mean nothing. We're not dancing vaginas when we sell clothes or books, but we're not fully human either until we get back in the car and drive home. These women go there knowing men look at them as bodies. As long as they're able to detach themselves from this game, they're probably fine even when they dance in front of people who try to watch the boxing match.
"As long as they're able to detach themselves from this game, they're probably fine even when they dance in front of people who try to watch the boxing match."
I don't know that I really buy that part. I mean, granted, I've only personally known two women who danced (unless I know others who have just never brought it up in conversation). But the two women I know really, truly do suffer emotionally for it.
The other parts make sense though. :-)
I like you. I like you a lot.
Heh. Dancing vagina.
Jill, you might be right. Who knows. But there could be some cause and effect here. Their emotional state could have led them to the bar in the first place. Many of the strippers I saw last week were supposedly students, but the strippers I saw when I worked in jail did what they did for very different reasons. Heroin was always somewhere in the background.
Sarah, thank you! I like you a lot too!
Ha. Funny stuff, and...I feel the same way. Cheers PITS!!
Cheers to you too. We should start a campaign. Maybe we could even get a Congressional Hearing.
ROFL..dancing vagina.., fun stuff
Hehe... well, I like a little more nuance as well.
I've only gone to a strip club twice, it's fun, but it sort of makes me feel sad, plus it's very expensive!!!!
Anyhow, I think I like the thrill of the chase. At a strip club it's all right there for you.
Promethius, I don't know if there was anything around or beyond that, but I think that was the only part I was supposed to look at. I think it was the main attraction (apart from the boxing match).
Sebastien, I know what you mean about the thrill of the chase. Something small like them actually wearing pants before they took all their clothes off would have helped. At least I would have thought, "If I play my cards right maybe this woman will take her pants off!" Instead it was, "Oh, another one?"
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