I thought it would be a good idea to take the baby to the Baltimore Museum of Art. It made sense, kinda. In my head, we were walking together, I point at statues and explain the history and the social conditions that created the background to this or that piece of art, and even though he doesn't understand, he gets the general idea that art is something to be revered by mere mortals.
But as much as I tried to keep a straight face through it all, and as much as I love Asian art, for example (and not sure why), I just couldn't play the game. So much of the museum is basically a Hard Rock Cafe of dead rich Baltimoreans, only instead of Keith Richards' guitar you have some dead merchant's desk.
And there's art too, don't get me wrong. All the big ones. Like what's her name who painted flowers that looked like vaginas, and Matisse and Picasso and all them Euros. But I've seen it all before... And the African art and the Native American art... Really? How old do I have to be to be able to stop pretending I'm in awe of a mask?
Listen, I don't mean to be controversial or anything... Hey look, a gay teapot!
Liam, Baby, what do you think?
30 comments:
This is the first time I have read anything about a museum that I could relate to. Thanks man!
Some people know when its the right time to take a nap :)
Keep taking him. As he gets older he'll find things that fascinate him, that you can visit and revisit. My kids and I used to visit the museum and they always made a beeline for our mummy so they could lie down on the floor and measure themselves next to it to see how much they'd grown.
I am one of those people who could spend all of my spare time in an art museum. Your line about pretending to be excited about masks? Awesome, and so true. There is some art that baffles me, like I can't wrap my brain around why it's important or valuable. I've been trying to teach my 3 year old daughter about art lately, mostly because she expresses an interest in it. She will ask me who painted the art hanging on our walls, or in books. Anyway, Great post...gay teapot? Priceless.
I'm just wondering... when you were in front of the "gay teapot" did you stop and do the little "I'm a little teapot" song and dance for your son? He might have enjoyed it! :)
SJ, no, thank you. I'm glad I'm not alone there. I also meant to write about the guards (is that what you call them?). There are millions of them everywhere. And maybe they're a part of the exhibition? I think they're supposed to symbolize the futility of something, not sure what.
Loz, I think it had more to do with my explanations than with the art itself.
Feefi, I know I know. We'll get back. Maybe when he can walk... The museum is free, after all. Mummies are cool.
Gwen, I used to go a lot. I had this game, where I'd start in the gift shop and buy a couple of postcards (of art from the museum), and then spend the day searching for the originals. That's my original game, but you can use it with your daughter. I actually wanted to do it but I couldn't do much with the stroller in the small gift shop so I just wandered around. And that was actually an antique teapot. How crazy is that?
Kristen, I think that by that time he was ready to go to sleep. But I had one more floor. There was only one guy, a guard, on the third floor. That must be the craziest job in the world. I don't know how you can spend a day on that third floor by yourself and not end the day as a serial killer.
Sounds like a post about the guards is in order. I swear that is a video of me about half way through any art museum. I have no idea why, because I'm always so excited at the beginning of the whole thing.
Mongolian, there was a lot of "I went to art school, Goddammit!" Or maybe that was all just in my head. But they were walking around there, avoiding eye contact... And then there was the guy on the 3rd floor... The killer... And they all have to wear these buttoned shirts and ties, because when I go to a free museum I need my guards to look professional!
And you know, I kept waiting to be inspired, but it just didn't happen. I think I need to go to the Smithsonian. Maybe stand in front of this picture for a while.
That is freaking hilarious! Gay teapot-- bahahahaha. Georgia O'Keefe.
I used to take B to the Ann Arbor Art museum all the time. But that's only because it was free and warm when I had to be on campus for something and didn't have a place to wait with him. He thought the replica Japanese house was a play house...which as you can imagine, was frowned upon. He did however get to see some long lost sketches that were on tour. He doesn't remember but I am sure his IQ is higher for it...plus he never got frost bite!
I've always wondered whether people in museums are genuinely interested in the exhibit or artwork they're looking at, or if they're just pretending so nobody thinks they're "uncultured."
I don't know if you remember the TV show "Designing Women," but in one episode, one of the women was at a modern art exhibit, and she accidentally left her purse on a table. When she went back to get it, several people were standing around, swooning and ooing and ahhing at her purse. "What a brilliant concept!" "Oh, now I get it. Pure genius!"
Sydney, Georgia O'Keefe. That's right. It was on the tip of my tongue. (now how do I turn that into a joke about her vagina drawings...)
Aimee, it was a really cold day when we went, and I took a while taking him out of the car and layering him up. While I was doing it an old woman stopped to say, "Ahh, we have a new art fan?" which made me feel really good about my parenting skills. But really, I think both of us need a museum with a lot of buttons...
Tom, you know, I don't get most modern art, but really, I will love any art that moves me, even if I don't know why. But even those things I don't get are still better than putting up a desk in a museum just because a dead rich man used it. (although I understand that interior design is also a historical indicator of society in a specific time and place and of social conditions and the ideas of comfort and work and all that because I read this cool little book)(but still).
haha Gay tea pots, never knew such a thing exist, how will a str8 tea pot look like ;)
I like paintings only in Museum, it took me 2 full days to check the Louvre in Paris
I guess you're right. Anything serving tea must be gay.
I went to the Louvre with my parents when I was about ten. We ran and ran until we got to the Mona Lisa. Then we stared. I don't know what you're supposed to do when you see the Mona Lisa, other than take a picture (or try to steal it).
I saw the Monalisa twice, once I was 10 and last year and both times I wasnt impressed and it is so darn small. Actualy I saw amazing paintings outside the Monalisa room in the hallway.
Sometimes I consider myself an artsy person, but most of the time I'll go to a museum and only see one piece that I like, or even understand for that matter.
The Hirshhorn in D.C. has a giant naked man-baby thing in the corner on the ground floor. His testicles are each the size of my head.
What a cute boy! He reminds me of mine before he became a....te..tee..teenager.
Definitely has his priorities straight though.Kudos to you and his mommy.
Ali, it's a painting of a smiling woman. People should get over that. She's not even naked.
Woozie, you sure it wasn't a sleeping guard?
Kevin, hey, thank you. Maybe when my baby becomes a teenager he'll get into art and explain it all. Teenagers get into art, no? Being all sensitive and stuff.
if anyone wants to interview me, i'm game. or i could interview you, but i think i suck at it.
He seems slightly underwhelmed. Museums are good for kids that age though because they can run around and break other people's stuff. Good deal. We're frequent visitors to the natural history museum in these here parts.
I love the Gay Teapot! It's fabulous with two snaps! :D
Carrie, if you comment on A Free Man's post, you get to interview the person after you, and the person before you interviews you. Or maybe it's the other way around? Not sure. Unless you want me to interview you, which I'll be happy to do as well.
Oh wait--I see you found your way there already. Serves me right for taking too long to reply to comments. Sorry.
Freeman, the next one is the Air and Space in DC. I hear it has a lot of buttons. Museums should have more buttons. (Apart from the horrible Holocaust Museum, which has about a 1000 too many TV screens. It's like the MTV of genocide).
B, thanks. I knew I had a winner as soon as I saw it.
I tried to take my kids to the BMA several times but they were always touching things - but now the youngest is 5 it is easier. I take them to the art activities they have at 2pm on Sundays - that is a hoot!
Hey there I am so glad you dropped in. I had lost you.
Wow what a great post. I can't believe how that child has grown.
I love museums and I guess I have really weird kids and grandchildren too. They love them too!!
We can't Chase still he gets so excited.
Adorable pictures...have a good weekend,
Jackie
Why is the third floor so unpopular? Is that where they put all the masks that aren't interesting enough for the other floors?
I think I'd go to more museums if there wasn't so much standing up involved. They have a negative payoff/leg-pain quotient.
As usual, your son is very cute. Even his snoring is cute.
Emma, I will take him again when he's a little older. Maybe when he can walk and understand "Don't touch that." (See you on a Sunday in a couple of years). Until then, I want to try one of them button-museums. I want to go to the Air and Space in DC. There will be time for art later.
Shinade, good to have you here. He enjoyed himself, you know? It was a large carpeted area where he could practice his walking. But then he got tired, so I put him on my shoulders and was told off by one of the zombies, so I had to put him in the stroller, which ended his visit. He and I will learn to enjoy ourselves there together. Just not right now.
Simon, you know the game Silent Hill? That's what I was thinking about when I got to the third floor. That guard was about to turn into a bloody zombie nurse when I left.
when i first moved over here I was dying to get to the museums. Now my reaction is a lot like Liam´s.
Bluestreak, I assume you also don't have enough buttons in your museums. Although the listen-to-lectures-as-you-walk thingy is pretty neat.
"Hey look, a gay teapot!"
OMG, thanks for making me laugh!!
JB
You see, sometimes everything makes sense. When I saw that gay teapot it all clicked, you know? It was my Eureka moment.
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