Dear Mr. Kissinger,
I know you take an hourly dose of the life-enhancing potion you were given by your friends in the Illuminati. That's cool.
However, just in case you get sick of it all and decide you've had enough of the burden of living inside your God-forsaken vessel, built out of spare parts of organ donors and hobos, I have an idea for a swan song. You're going to like it.
You know how Sarah Palin has been studying about the world from you in the last few weeks? You know how you teach her about borders and different ways of governments and about the Queen of England? You know how she's preparing for her Thursday debate by memorizing anything you tell her? Like the words proliferation and sovereignty? Remember her shock when she discovered Native Americans were real but unicorns were not?
Now tell me, is all this worthy of the great Henry Kissinger? The man who determines the fate of nations by the angle of his thumb? Washington's own Übermensch?
Didn't think so.
Now, what if-- What if you fucked with her?
What if you told her the Prime Minister of Britain was Gordon Shumway? What if you told her the Iranians were on the brink of being able to teleport their entire military? That Jews in Israel celebrate Napkin Day?
I mean, these are just examples coming from a mere mortal, but go crazy. This could be a final farewell worthy of a great man like you. You'll show them. You'll show them all.
I know you like it because I know you have an ironic, post-modern sense of humor. After all, you've accepted the Nobel Peace Prize.
See you Thursday.
37 comments:
Fantastic! It would be awesome if he did, but kind of think that Kissinger isn't going to develop an ironic streak this late in life.
This post has made me want to watch Dr. Strangelove...
I hate that now gets to be a puppet instead of the empty vessel she was a mere few dozen days ago.
P.S. Unicorns are real if you believe hard enough.
Kissing her ... what? (Yeah yeah I know its not pronounced that way.)
No it's Israel that can teleport their army and Iran that celebrates napkin day. I hear the Ayatollah wipes the shit off his mouth on that day of the year.
Kissinger should get Palin to memorize this line he once used:
"the issues are much too important for the *________* voters to be left to decide for themselves"
*Kissinger originally said "Chilean" but Palin could insert any nation whose voters decide on a leader who doesn't support U.S. economic interests.
And then he could reassure her that even Mussolini and Stalin were nominated for Nobel Peace Prizes, so no worries.
Man, that's what I say, he must have an ironic streak because he accepted the Nobel Peace Prize. If he does that, I may even give him my Thinking Blogger Award.
Dan, Palin's brain is real if you think happy thoughts.
SJ, I've just declared a virtual fatwa on you. And Israel cannot confirm nor deny the fact it has a nuclear reactor in the south or that its army can be teleported.
Bluestreak, maybe it is time for these people to go a step further and just put "Americans" there. After all, the American President hasn't supported US economic interests for the last eight years.
I dunno...it seems like she's perfectly capable of flubbing things up even without Kissinger steering her wrong. Good idea though, still...
:-) :-) :-)
I can't understand what is going on with Palin as VP of the Republica party regardless to whom she talks with in reference to understanding how to run this country is anything happens to McCain.
There's another site with this same photo that I found to be very funny and scared at the same time.
See Politicartoons
100 Kissingers can not save this woman. I assure you. If Kissinger had a sense of humor he would screw with her like that but he won't. Kissenger has more smarts about the world in his pinky finger than she will every have in her brain. I'm sure he had to go easy on her as too much information would likely cause her to combust.
This publicity stunt will do nothing to save her. She has nothing. She never will. Go back to Alaska!!!
I just want to know what Kissinger is really thinking in that picture!
Kristen - "I touched her leg!"
That would be awesome! As if she doesn't look like a flighty idiot as it is...have good ole Henry mess with her??? Awesome!
What can I say that hasn't been said? I like to think Kissinger has a depraved sense of humor somewhere in there. Like someone pointed out, the man accepted the Nobel Peace Prize.
Jill, you're just being sexist!
Let's, see, one day I was interested in domains and in blog advertising, just to see how it worked. So I found a few domains I thought I could play with, and before I knew it I had this thing going. I don't talk about it here. Don't know why, really (although I mentioned it before). Funny that you caught me, though (and of course I'm glad you liked it).
Ricardo, hey, thanks for Stumbling this.
But don't tell her to go back to Alaska. Not yet. I can spend the rest of my days watching her being interviewed. She's jaw-dropping stupid.
Kristen, I have to think he's embarrassed. The Butcher from Bavaria is now reduced to being Henry Higgins.
Jill, "Just touch my hand for a few more seconds." --Damn, I always go too far.
Aimee, won't that be great? Kissinger will be a true American hero.
Woozie, not only did he accept the Nobel Peace Prize, he also welcomed being referred to as a sex symbol. The man is America's court jester.
LOL. That would be hilarious indeed. She sure talks like she's just memorizing words and phrases that she doesn't understand. Kissinger could have a field day.
This vice presidential debate is going to be fun to watch! I can't wait.
Tom, for me, it has to be about job-creation! And no Gotcha journalism!
Ben, Republicans and the media were hyping the fact that 40 million people watched her speech at the convention, but actually, at least half of them were watching because they wanted to be able to tell their grandchildren they saw the Republican Party die before their eyes on live TV. It didn't happen then, but maybe it will happen on Thursday.
גדול!
No problem People, I have no issue stubling quality content and this was it.
I say keep her around to Tina Fey can make fun of her on SNL.
That's hysterical! I would love to see her bring up Napkin Day at the debate! I am so looking forward to watching that mainly to see just what a mess she makes!
~Kelly
http://www.30somethingandsearching.today.com/
She's a woman with chutzpah! I will be salivating at the set on Thursday!
Bring it on Sarah....
Lirun, thanks!
Ricardo, it's getting better every day. Now she says she has read all the newspapers and magazines. They should turn SNL into 90 minutes of Tina Fey repeating what Palin says in interviews.
Kelly, I know. I saw today some videos of her debates in Alaska and she can definitely stand out to her opponents. She can probably stand out to Biden, too. I just think nothing she says can erase the impression everyone has of her being a moron.
Kali, she has nerve standing there at the convention with her tattooed lipstick on, and attacking someone as popular as Obama, I'll give her that. But by making fun of community organizers and big cities she doesn't really come out as the kid who shouts the emperor has no clothes; she's more like the invisible clothes McCain is wearing.
Well she seems to actually be winning the debate. Not good. I'm at work as I write this and have it up on the monitors but from what I can see she if much more composed.
I just spent the last hour and a half with my hand on my face, hoping that when I move it I won't see Palin winking at me again. She basically didn't answer any question--only recited her talking points. I can't believe they're going to buy it.
But apparently Pat Buchanan just did. The horror...
I'm surprised she even knew who Kissinger was.
Probably didn't, and they left her a memo copied from Wikipedia.
I'm sure she didn't know who he was five weeks ago (or as she says, "like five weeks ago"). She had absolutely no curiosity about the rest of the US and the world. She's the ultimate local politician, and it's unbelievable that we're even talking about her in a global context.
Oh my, it seems I have profanitized your "Blogs with recent updates" list. Somebody had better get to updating their site.
I wish I had see this ahead of time.
I am late on everything these days.
I still can't breath the disgust is stifling.
Woozie, you're still there! With your awful, awful profanities!
Cooper, not even Tina Fey playing a flute helped?
It's posts like this that make me think....if he wasn't married and I wasn't gay....
Who, Kissinger?
Unicorns aren't real?
*sob*
Awesome post. That chick scares the bejebus outta me. I mean seriously people VOTED for her? Was there a swimsuit section?
If she doesn't win (crosses fingers), she can always go back to being the president of Alaska.
Kelley, they are real, if you believe hard enough!
And you know, that's why this is the land where dreams can come true, because even an empty-headed crook from Igloo-ville can become President. The US is an ironic post-modern artistic statement.
Lesbian, they can have her. They sure love her mavericky spirit over there. And the moose population has doubled since she joined the campaign.
"had enough of the burden of living inside your God-forsaken vessel, built out of spare parts of organ donors and hobos, I have an idea for a swan song. You're going to like it" - OH MY that's good! I often wonder how this festering puss-pot of a person was able to sustain life after taking so many. Thanks for the update!
The only part he didn't recycle was conscience. No need for that.
Omigod that is some funny shit!!!!
Girl, thanks! And welcome!
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