I'm Going Through the Change
I read a post about the Baltimore Aquarium, and the woman was complaining about all the soccer moms pushing strollers, and I thought, you fuck, it's cute that you changed moms into soccer moms just because it's supposedly an offensive term, like Liberal, but if they're soccer moms, doesn't it mean their kids play soccer? So what are they doing sitting on strollers in an aquarium? But I didn't leave a comment because that's stupid and I also felt weird about it all.
And then I thought about our June trip to Israel, and I suddenly remembered how I used to calculate when would be the best time to avoid screaming babies on the flight…
But now, if we board the plane, and my baby starts to cry, and you give me that look, I want you to know that this baby's cry is breaking my heart and tearing my soul to pieces. And I'm sorry my child's suffering is disturbing your enjoyment of Rush Hour 3 and I'm sorry it'll stop you from setting a Sudoku record, but turn your face the fuck away from me. Punk.
And I never got baby photos. Why do people take baby photos when all babies look the same?
But God help me, this guy is special.
30 comments:
Awww @ the photo.
Your blog is getting to be a sweet place. Change the background to some pastel shade.
And where are all of the Soccer Dads?
Cute picture!
Cripes he is almost edible.
Face it: babies are nonpeople.
Exhibit A: Flying with my kids, each of them with a seat assignment because I paid full price for their tickets. Trying to board the plane with two kids and two carseats and getting an argument from airline staff EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. that the carseats will have to be checked because they'll take up seats belonging to "paying customers".
Exhibit B: Arriving at a restaurant to eat with a friend and being seated at a table for two, even though I've brought a child with me, because presumably kids a) don't take up space at the table b) don't grab and fling everything within reach and c) don't order and pay for food off the menu.
Lost count of how many times I had to stand up for my kids in just these two situations, but there were many others, as I'm sure you can imagine.
Meanwhile, whenever one of my kids flung food to the floor I always crawled around to clean it up before leaving.
what can i say, this little guy is just incredible.
Awwww. you have the "baby photo" bug. I can relate. I added you as a contact on flickr. Thanks for stopping by and giving me encouragement. Your little man is getting so big. :) Have a safe trip.
Very cute! I'm glad you've 'changed' Welcome to the world of babies!
owww... what a cute baby!!! nice picture of the baby like it.
very cute.
Cutest. Baby. Ever.
This post made me all weepy. Your love is beautiful.
Welcome to the parenting club. A total change of perspective (and you thought it wouldn't happen to you). Cute baby, too.
SJ, it is rather dark here, isn't it? Maybe my site should reflect my belief that the world isn't a horrible place to live in. Of course, obviously pastel is out of the question because of what happened to my uncle.
Kirsten, see, I think this soccer-mom thing is so offensive because it's meant to look with condescension at people who take interest in their kids, and group them together as if good parenting is a political entity. And it bothers me that I'm bothered by it. I can't defend soccer moms if I want to be edgy. My life is so hard.
Xbox, I know. But I have to wait a bit longer; fatten him up.
Feefifoto, I'm not there yet. I'm still upset we had to pay $200 for his plane ticket even though he's going to sit on us. Right now, every time he does something older kids do I can only think, "Look! He's acting like a human!" Like it's a dog smoking a pipe.
Cig, naa... you should see him without the makeup.
Asian, thanks. And congratulations again. Get some sleep.
Bob, thanks. Although I do feel a bit like the woman in the movie Freaks, when all the dads welcome me with a "One of us! One of us!" And they're all wearing sweatpants.
Billyboxergirl, thank you, thank you, and thank you.
Fiendish, thanks. But I did instruct him to pull his stomach in and hold his breath. He's actually 300 pounds.
Frosty, oh, thanks. That comment made me a little weepy. So we're even.
Jennifer, thanks. You know, every once in a while I go back to Blog Catalog and have a look around. I forget there are so many cool blogs there.
And you're right about not thinking it would happen to me. Even if I did think I'd have a baby one day, I always imagined him doing his thing, whatever that is. Building castles or drawing dinosaurs or dancing. I didn't really know that whole infant-thing. And I didn't know he would need me so much and that I would need him, too. You know?
Keep that kid quiet already!!!!! I'm trying watch Timecop!!!
If earth were that good a place to live in why are there People in the Sun? Anyway I wanted to pass the word around that I have resumed my blog. Take a look I have likely insulted you.
Yes, kids are all-consuming. In good ways, mainly. Though I do miss my sleep. It's pretty much impossible to imagine the connection until you experience it yourself.
I'm glad you checked into blog catalog, too. Looking forward to reading more here.
J
Until they're parents, they can never understand.
Ricardo, guess who's off the babysitters list?
SJ, I know something you don't. Let's just say it involves a bunker and Dick Chaney. And as I said on your blog, my lawyers have been informed. We're thinking six figures.
Jennifer, sleeping is for losers. But you're right about not being able to imagine it. I can take a hundred parenting classes but still can't imagine the feeling of having a tiny heart beating next to mine, and knowing I'm responsible for that heart. Although he's not that small any more. He just had a cousin born on Monday. Now, that's small.
Dave, I know. And I know the looks we get when we go to the hipster restaurants in the neighborhood come from ignorance. I'm learning to ignore things.
Oh yeah this guy is special! I believe it is your own! They're always special when they're your own. It's unexplainable.
Just wanted to mention I share your love of pit bulls and recently lost mine in a tragic accident. You can see her pic in one of the posts about her on my site. She was a beautiful loving brindle and I miss her so much.
G-D help any child who's entrusted to me for babysitting. LOL!!
Awwwwww, he's so cute! All babies DO NOT look the same. You've clearly never seen an "unfortunate" looking baby.
Hey, I only stare when the parent sits there ignoring their crying child (yeah it's happened).
Morinn, to my knowledge, he is my own. It's still weird that he doesn't have my family's potato-nose. My lawyers and family doctors are working on the case.
Queen, I'm sorry. She was beautiful.
Ricardo, don't worry. I have a manny-cam.
Angelika, I know... I've seen some of them. And don't get me wrong, they will grow up to be beautiful people. But they won't be keeping their baby-albums.
Woozie, last night, we were in a wedding, and this 2-year-old across the table throws a cup of water at Honey. Now, it's cute that his father told him, "You know what you did wrong? That's right. You threw something at someone else. Do you know why that's wrong?" and so on, for a while. But he was so obsessed with using it as an opportunity to teach his son, that he didn't say he was sorry. Parents are a weird bunch.
It's definitely strange - there's a whole new world of understanding opened up with parenting, and yet with it there are these huge blind spots that didn't previously exist...
That kid is sooooooooooooooooooooo cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been to the Baltimore Aquarium at least 20 times, and I've never seen flocks of soccer moms pushing strollers - guess I hit it on slow days.
Good looking kid. When people get on airplanes, too often it seems like the asshole switch flips. Not sure why they aren't more empathetic, but it's irritating to me too.
Nope! That is an ugly baby!! ;-)
Jill, yep. That's what I mean. You get this incredible amount of information in such a short time and everything changes, even if not in the way you imagined it to be, so you may be allowed to let go of a few basic social skills.
Jeremy, they were probably all in soccer practice. Frankly, I don't care how many moms and kids run around in the aquarium, as long as I can get a seat in the splash zone.
Sally, no no. My baby is the one on the right.
OH! Silly me!!!
Very cute. I was always bad about photos, but thanks to the iPhone I have a gallery in my pocket. And photos.
Sally, that's okay. I get confused too.
Whit, that whole camera in a phone thing changed everything. Who would have thought people wouldn't have their babies photos in their wallets? But I don't. It does feel weird sometimes.
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