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09 March 2008

What I Do When Honey and Baby Are Away For The Weekend

lonely
I Disprove Jung's theory of collective consciousness.

A long time ago, I dreamed I was talking to someone in Russian, and when I woke up I was sure I was able to tap into the world's collective consciousness, and that I knew Russian just as subconsciously I knew everything else anyone has ever known. But then, last night I dreamed I was making a purchase over the phone (sad dreams I have), and I picked up my card and started reading my Visa number: "One, eight, zero--" and then I woke up with horror. A Visa number always begins with a four! Which means my dreams didn't prove anything, and that it was probably not even close to Russian; just some gibberish with a funny accent. Ah, well.

I drive around and get stuck in traffic.

It's okay, as long as I have a camera and a Dunkin' coffee.

Carroll County

I consume too much caffeine.

mutant
Which means that if I go to sleep at 2am and I'm too wired to read, I shouldn't say to myself, "Maybe I'll watch that," referring to The Hills Have Eyes. I join the family just after the mutants made them crash their car. I see some shadows in the back and hear some whispers, and I say, "I don't have to watch that. I can watch some frickin' Anderson Cooper instead." But just like the characters just can't stop themselves from being curious, I continue watching. Then I see some more of them, like the mutant girl and her dad chewing on a bone, and again, I yearn for Anderson Cooper's reassuring voice. Right now, I'd even settle for a "This Week At War" marathon. But I keep on watching. The father goes into the gas station and sees the guy in the outhouse, who says he's sorry and then blows his head off, and I know the father is surrounded because they're whispering all around him, and I'm completely shaking like a little girl by that point and I look at the remote and I finally decide, "I'm not going to watch any more of this shit," and with trembling hands I reach for the remote, and meanwhile the father hears the mutants and he starts shooting at the darkness, and I'm thinking, "You're going to run out of bullets, fool!" And finally I get the remote and I want to change a channel but I'm so shaky that I press the Info button instead, and I scream, and you know they're getting closer, and I'm an idiot, and I'll never watch anything but romantic comedies from now on. Then I finally press the right button. Thank you, AC360, thank you, Sanjay Gupta, thank you, Wolf, thank you, Larry, and most of all, thank you Duracell batteries. I hope the father got out of it alright.

I learn that no matter where you sit, Pennsylvania is always a bit to your right.

Hillary
I'm picking them up in an hour.

13 comments:

durante said...

If I had time, I would watch Anderson Cooper. He's just dreamy. He can talk about famine, like he does, and I don't even hear it. In fact, just put it on mute.

Do you miss your fam? I was just commenting on that... They are a distraction and I get nothing done, and then I'm lonely when I'm on travel for work, or if they are late coming home.

Let's think about Anderson again.

durante vita

SJ said...

I don't usually see horror movies - they bore me and the screams give me an headache. I however am not scared by them. Romantic comedies are scary the guy always is trapped by the end no matter how close he got to getting away with just sex.

Pelkyi Dorje said...

Hi People in the Sun. Buddy is so grey now. Tell him I think he looks very distinguished, though--even when he sleeps late.

Do you agree that there has been a trend among some cable news shows to move closer and closer to the format or style of the Daily Show and/or even Talk Soup? First it was Olberman. He even has production guys laughing off camera as on Talk Soup. And now Anderson Cooper.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Oooh I guess I'm lucky I didn't see that movie!

If it happens that you do actually know Russian, I could use a translator for one of my little boys!

Glad you've got your family back, though the dog would probably have been ok with them staying gone just a little longer it looks like!!!!!!!

People in the Sun said...

Durante, I guess he's failed in his quest to keep you honest.

Actually I get more done when they're here. When I'm alone I do nothing all day. Too much internet.

SJ, you're lucky. After I saw the first Halloween, I couldn't sleep for a year. He fell to his death, but then he disappeared, which meant he was hiding in my closet, with a white sheet over his face. Bastard.

Pelkyi, and you know, that's kind of an old picture. The Terror of Brooklyn now wakes up early and starts complaining about the noise outside. He huffs and he puffs and he talks about the old days.

You think Olbermann puts mikes there or their laughter just reaches his mike? I mean, his jokes are pretty funny sometimes, and you don't hear them laugh when a replacement does the show. Personally, I could do without the funny parts on Countdown, but I think they've decided he's successful because of the news/entertainment mix. Although it's probably more to do with him being the only normal person out there (Although I'm hoping David Gregory will be good. I heard he's replacing the bowtie man).

But I love The Soup, too.

Jill, but now I've decided I want to see the movie again. Humans are weird like that.

And if I find out I speak Russian, then your son speaks Russian, too. Isn't that cool?

And Buddy doesn't go up there anymore. It's sad but we had to do it. He stays downstairs with his sister, and we come down to say hi every once in a while. It's not a very dignified way to live in his old age, but it's also not fair to him to be put in a crazy situation. We know he's good with older kids, but all it took was one funny look at the baby and we had to separate them. He was a fighting dog, and he's always been a bit out there. We still love him, though, and we still give him kisses, and we don't even mind that he continues to systematically destroy every piece of furniture in the house. It's his to destroy.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Well wait, if everybody knows Russian, shouldn't this boy's grandfather know English too? Or does collective consciousness only extend to Russian? I didn't read Jung. I do sort of need to get a few things across to this boy's grandfather though & grandfather seems to only know the words "good" and "bad" in English.

Sorry about Buddy - he looks so cozy. A friend of my dad had a bulldog once that systematically destroyed every piece of furniture in their house. As I remember the story, they ended up giving him to a couple with a mansion and ended up with enthusiastic reports about how many rooms he had managed to destroy. At any rate, budyy looks all kinds of cute in the bed & hope he's enjoying the furniture!

Rol said...

You're right - that's seriously frightening. A Visa card number that doesn't begin with a '4'? Horrific!

Woozie said...

The father died, they nailed him to a makeshift cross and burned him alive.

People in the Sun said...

Jill, first he destroys the cushion, then he looks at me funny when the cushion is all messed up with the springs popping out, like he's blaming me for not getting a new one already.

I did that before, and it was quite an adventure. I went to a store that sells cushion foam and stereo equipment (Baltimore is random like that), and then I had to go the the other side of town to a professional haberdasher to put a new zipper on, and they both complained about the other guy's work, and I had to go back and forth between the haberdasher basement and the foam and stereo store and it was a pain. So now I just flip the cushion to the other side. And I avoid having guests in the house.

And I probably don't know more about Jung than you do. I just apply the half-theory I got from his book to justify whatever I want. Kind of like a fundamental Christian with the Bible.

Rol, I know! Can you imagine a world with a Visa number starting with a 1? It's my worst nightmare, other than being nailed to a makeshift cross and burned alive.

Woozie, motherfucking mutants! Still, if the father died on a cross for someone else's sins (the government's nuclear testing), doesn't it automatically give him the right to come back to life? I mean, as far as I know that's the Normal Operating Procedure.

Mel said...

I am willing to bet the father bit the big one. I hate movies like that, I am a wimpy thing !

People in the Sun said...

Mel, I'm with you. I'd rather watch What Women Want followed by Must Love Dogs. But even I have to draw the line somewhere. That line is Hugh Grant. I'd put him in a town filled with mutants and see what happens. That's a movie I will enjoy.

Doggil said...

I like your blog it has a lot of cool things.

God bless
www.mydoggilicious.com

People in the Sun said...

There is no god. Now you know.

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