Guess Who Can Pee Straight Into His Mouth?
Which makes his daddy very proud. I wonder if they make a "My son pees into his mouth" car sticker.
Honey can't believe how big he is now, and "Can you believe he used to be so small when he was in my body?"
I said, "How do you think I feel? He was even smaller when he was in my body."
Went on our first date last night. Saw Daniel Johnston. Now, it was incredible and emotional and all that, but let me for a moment concentrate on the girl in the front who kept shouting, "That's okay, D., that's okay," and, "We love you, D. Play 'Devil Town.'" You condescending whore, who the fuck do you think you are? "Play 'Devil Town'"--You are the devil.
A lot of people ask me how to make a soundtrack for a horror movie. Here you go:
29 comments:
It is amazing how your worst nightmares can be realized with these kids' toys. Wait until these toys start talking on their own in the middle of the night. You will quickly realize who your friends really are when you are trying to find an off button at 2AM.
By the way, your boy has talent!
Dan
Scarey AND adorable! You just don't see that very often! :)
If there is a video, I can't see it at work. I can't even see if there is one. Stoopid work.
I'm so happy for you on the peeing thing. ;)
That guy is something else! Did you teach him how to do it?
Now if only he peed on people you don't like. He'd be perfect!!!
I pee on my own feet quite a lot, does that count?
Wow, that peeing thing is really gross. Babies usually aren't into water sports.
But that's a damn fine shirt you have him dressed in.
Wow that's a talented young man... I don't think I can. Not that I've tried... really I haven't I haven't I haven't.
Good job on the video ..brrr.
What do you mean he was even smaller when he was in YOUR body... only half of him was! C'mon man! Elementary biology!! (Yeah: he was cut right down the middle haha).
I never got the mouthpeeing thing right at that age. One day (my Dad refuses to forget this) he was attempting to change my nappy/"diaper". Left me for one minute saying "don't wee in your eye"... next thing he saw was a golden arch going right in ... yeah you guessed: my fckin' eye
I hope he had the decency to look a bit shocked
Wow- I have 6 daughters so I think I can say that it must be a "boy thing" he rocks, he is adorable. I'm off to stalk now and see if he's the same age as my littlest one. Your blog is awesome, great job. You're a good storyteller. Keep it up.
Those are indeed some creepy sounds and quite a talent your kid has.
Now all we need is Chuck Norris.
Can he teach me to pee in my mouth?
Dan, I can see how a giggling Elmo can make you pee your pants in the middle of the night. Go to a toy store and press the button, then move to the next Elmo and press his button. Now, that's scary. At least I have Grover on my side.
Olga, thanks. And welcome. I'm glad my family and I made a good first impression. He actually already speaks seven languages, but I chose to concentrate on his aiming skills.
Shelli, please transfer me to your supervisor. There is a video. And it will change your life!!! It has monkeys! And airplanes! And horror!
Pelkyi, I didn't, I swear. But now that I see his talent, I embrace it. And all I can think of is how to make some cash out of this thing. Oprah, if you're reading, we're willing and able.
Aimee, I should have snuck him into the State of the Union speech.
Dan, me too! It counts, even though it is evolutionary inferior.
Woozie, I don't know what to think anymore. When I was a baby, music was something with a nice melody and lyrics. What's wrong with Frank Sinatra? Nowadays, babies listen to all kind of devil's music--this Rock 'n Roll stuff!
SJ, I say try everything once. You never know. But don't try to do what I did in the video. I already fear I've summoned the demons of Karghaman. All they need is one more person to play their song.
Gledwood, the good half. I can imagine the eye thing being traumatic for your dad. I was here by myself, and my baby was crying, and my doggie was crying downstairs, and I was trying really hard to do everything right--change him, feed him, feed doggies--and all of a sudden my kid is coughing and choking from drinking his own pee. You find you have more strength than you thought in that point. Your dad is a brave man. You can't forget something like that.
Spooky, I think he just imitated the horror he saw in my eyes.
Mrs. Hannigan, you're trying to find a future husband for your youngest? Is it in spite of his peeing skills or because of them? (and congratulations on your baby. And thanks. And welcome).
Ricardo, thank you. Unlike Chuck, my kid does his own stunts.
Fabulous, isn't there a name for that? The Vegas Fountain? The Salt Lake Geyser?
The thought of a bumper sticker saying that is hilarious. You should try marketing it.
You can get any phrase on a bumper sticker or a tee-shirt!! Ha! Thanks for sharing!
Oh dear. I have 2 words for you, "pee pee tee pee" (well, OK - that was four)
http://www.creativekidstuff.com/peepeeteepee.html
Yuck. Although, when your son is older he'll love that story. Cedar never gets tired of hearing about how he peed on his dad as a babe. Little boys appear to love pee stories when they age. He's getting so adorable btw.
OH that boy is just WAY TOO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now if only we could just kiss him through the screen! How can you even STAND being around that much cuteness!?!?!?
My kids used to have that creepy music maker thing! Not the mobile, but that light up thing. My daughter has one of those idog toys now that plugs into her ipod. And it TERRORIZED me the other night, because it was barking from inside the console/armrest thing of my car. I was totally convinced that there was a bat in my car and it was going to fly out at me as soon as I removed my tote bag from on top of it's cute little body.
I like those crib sheets, btw. :-)
Sornie and Teach, it is a cool sticker, right? But maybe I've embarrassed this kid enough. Seriously, he's a genius. I know, because he laughs at my jokes.
Kirsten, oh, we tried it before but ended up throwing all of them away. It even had the same design, with the airplanes. It was really cute. But you know the part where Goofy tries to put the sewer cap on but the pressure pushes him up? It was something like that. A flying teepee.
Jennifer, thanks. He is pretty cute. His grandfather already calls him Our Golden Ticket. Maybe we should all move to Hollywood, get him some work.
Jill, it's getting harder now that he's started laughing. It's a win-win for both of us, because he gets to laugh and I get to have someone laugh at my jokes. Like the sound of a zipper. I've been making zipper sounds at parties for years and no one has ever laughed. But this guy--I can pull the zipper up and down for an hour and he still thinks it's the funniest joke ever. His sense of humor must be very advanced.
Other than the scary part of these musical things, you know what I hate? The fact that they will stop playing in the middle of a bar. And I can't stand it. I have to give it one more twist just so it'll end in a good place. It's hard to explain.
And the choice of crib sheets and everything else, that's all Honey. Airplanes above DC = cool. He will grow up to be Charles Lindbergh, only without the antisemitism.
I'm just glad it's not you.
He is adorable.
And believe me, Cooper, I tried!
The boy has talent! Bleah! Logan has just gotten really good at peeing all over Eric, which for some reason I find really funny.
Music? Totally creepy!
I love your comment about the kid being even smaller when he was in YOUR body.
My wife makes a similar size observation about our baby all the time.
I tried your retort, earned myself a dirty look. :)
Woman, thanks. I was hoping I wouldn't be alone in thinking the music was creepy. It started because I thought it would be cute to put both at the same time, but as soon as it started I realized one was slower than the other, and it was on a different octave, and it was just eerie. Baby didn't mind too much, but that may be because he didn't know demons were being summoned.
Tam, I'm glad I was able to come between you and your wife. My work here is done.
On my next post, I plan to help the world craving for a good Eliot Spitzer pun. Well, I might as well give it here:
Spitzer? I hardly even know her!
May you can nickname PeePee Baby "Spritzer".
That boy is going to have a monkey phobia and not know why until he unearths an old relic from the past called a PC and finds the video evidence.
I think he's okay with this monkey, but I dread the day he sees a monkey without a bow tie.
You're right!
He's far more handsome now than when he popped out.
I don't see the Don Johnson though...
Did I say Don Johnson? Of course I meant David Hasselhoff (I'm allowed to whore posts on my own blog).
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