Happy Birthday, Honey
It was my American girl's birthday today. I got her some presents, nothing too crazy. It's a joint account, after all. Girlie stuff, like bracelets and earrings and a necklace and a thing people with hair use. She needs to feel like her normal self again, now that people start treating her like a would be mother and all that. She's used to men looking at her boobs but now they all stare at her belly, which must feel strange and foreign. I think.
Then I got her some stuff from her favorite candle-and-soap-and-lip-gloss-and-other-stuff shop. This earned me a few extra points because that place has always been a bit too much for me, too scenty and candle-y and perfect. She asked me later that night how I was doing there so I told her I made a joke.
--"Oh no, what did you say?"
--"The saleswoman was trying to help me but I couldn't find anything, so she looked at some cookbooks and asked if my wife liked to cook, and I told her, 'I don't know, she hasn't tried it yet.'"
--"Why did you say that? I cook."
--"Yes. But I couldn't miss a joke opportunity like that, right?"
--"I guess not."
So I met her at work and we walked to Camden Yards in time for the Cal Ripken Jr. bobblehead giveaway. And the Orioles won, which makes the day even better.
So, happy birthday, Honey. I know you don't read this because you think it's weird that I write my thoughts instead of saying them, but just in case you happen to read this, know that when you're asleep I'm downstairs thinking about you, and know that you're more beautiful and sexy than ever and that I appreciate you and respect you if you cook or if you don't cook and if you like my jokes or if you like me in spite of them, and I hope you had a good birthday and my only true wish in this world is to be there with you next year to celebrate another one.
Anyway, before I ruin the mood with the next video, just a happy birthday to my niece and a happy birthday to Shelli. And of course, congratulations to Susie.
Last year I talked Honey into going to a lame bar downtown but when we got there I surprised her with tickets to see Robert Schimmel. Or maybe it was two years ago?
31 comments:
Happy birthday to your wife...
At last a post where you don't talk about unborn babies...though are talking about your "babe's" birthday :)
Good man.
She's lucky you have such a random,fun sense of humor AND that you remember her birthday. ;)
Happy Birthday, everyone! :)
Thank you. Happy birthday to your wife. She sounds wonderful. She must be because she has you.
Oh. And her birthday is almost the same as mine. Or is it the same? I think it's the same.
Happy birthday People in the Sun's honey!!!
SJ, I promise the next post will be meaningful. It will change your life! It will make you reconsider reality! Everything you thought you knew about the world will be put to the test! Okay, maybe not. I have nothing. Will you settle for a picture of a bumblebee Honey got for an early baby shower? It's really cute.
Dave, thanks. Cool new picture, by the way.
Leisel, thanks, but it's not random at all. In fact, I follow step-by-step directions from the best-seller 365 Ways to Annoy and Embarrass Your Honey. (#193: Tell a stranger Honey doesn't cook. #194: Put it on a blog).
Chaosgone, thank you (on behalf of everyone).
Shelli, she is wonderful; that's why I took her. (and thanks for saying that, by the way).
And Shelli, my bad. I posted it after midnight, but the birthday is actually on 7/24 (for you, for Honey, and for my cute niece. I changed the date on the post). Happy day-after birthday.
Ricardo, thanks (on Honey's behalf. Not that I have the authority to speak for her, though. Think I should tell her about all the birthday wishes?)
What a swell guy. Hopefully you didn't make that all up ;) I think you should tell your wife about all the happy b-day wishes it's sweet.
you rock! What a sweet post. My spouse doesnt choose to read my blog either. Although I dont think he thinks its weird as much as he feels odd about me having a community of friends that he doesnt know... I LOVE blogging!
Oh and Happy BD to the Mrs too!
Hilarious that you responded to the saleswoman with that line.
Happy Birthday to your American girl!
What a sweet post.
You old softy, you!
Apropos bellies, if you want stares, try tying your wife's shoelaces in public. There came a point where mine couldn't do that anymore for herself, so what's a guy to do.
Jennifer, that's right! Swell, indeed. You forgot Husband of the Year Award for the fifth year in a row.
Kate, thanks. Good to know I'm not alone in having the other person not into the blogging thing. She had MySpace and I didn't get it either, so now we're even.
A Life, I think my sense of humor is mostly tolerated by Honey. Luckily I'm very good looking. Right? Honey, are you here? Tell them, Honey.
Fab, don't tell anyone, but I'm not even married. I made it all up just to appear sensitive. Chicks dig that.
MS, actually, there's nothing cuter than tying your pregnant lady's shoes. We're not there yet, though. We did look cute yesterday when we went to the hospital and I carried her purse.
You can't possibly be that sweet--it is not human. I'm jealous.
Happy Birthday, Honey. Women love it when men are buying stuff for their ladies. My husband just goes in and says: It's my wife's birthday. What should I get her? Oh, he is putty in their hands!
durante, to be fair, I did steal her youth, so I owe her a bit.
enemy, that's a retail salesperson's dream. When I was working in the bookstore I was just waiting for that one confused but hip grandma who'd ask me to recommend a book for a 10-year-old who's into comics... Captain Underpants to the rescue!
I can't go in those stores either. I normally have a dull sense of smell, but if kicks up and drives me crazy in places like that.
Love Robert Schimmel. :)
Durante, i can be a witness, that he is that sweet. and married. and funny. and good looking. after all, being his sister,i grew up with him almost all my life(soon to be half my life, being far away for so long).
but, hey, i'm also a virtual entity, so why should you belive me? i could be the Pits himself.
Ajooja, one day, when he's ready, the devil will rise out of one of these stores. And he will smell like vanilla.
Cig, if I'm such a nice guy then why did you throw a knife at me twenty-five years ago? I don't forget things like that!
So funny on the cooking comment! I hate it when I say something like that (something as off the wall - not necessarily that funny!!!) and someone actually believes me though. Sometimes I don't even find out they believed me until years later...
Happy birthday to her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The videos didn't like me but that is one BEAUTIFUL niece you've go there!!!!!
I don't remember what happened a week ago, you don't really expect me to remember what was 25 years ago, do you? I guess you deserved it, you could be a real pain in the *** sometimes. Didn't you throw a plate at me first? But you know, it runs in our family. Mom used to throw encyclopedias at dad, or was it the other way around? You should thank the Lord, or the Pencil, I'm such a blind bat.
You two are sooo cute. Loves it!
Jill, thanks. That's Cig's daughter. Apparently my sister has a very selective memory. But the videos didn't work? I'm sorry... I tried on Firefox and IE and they were fine. Here are the links, just in case you want the post to be complete: One is a beautiful song, the other is a Schimmel.
Cig, yep, you also threw the plate at me. That's when I called mom's work and asked to talk to Mom, and Morris didn't know who's kid I was, and I didn't realize he needed a name so I just cried and hung up.
Durante, I suppose one day I'll forgive and forget.
Hey Sun!!! Happy Birthday to your American Girl. :) Thanks for the well wishes. :D
Jill, try clicking the control key while clicking the video, if you have a popup blocker or something it'll do the job. It is a beautiful song and clip.
Pits: no comment. My lack of memory is one of my best qualities.
Jolly, thank you. Good luck in everything. You know what? I've never done one of these faces:
(÷Φ⌡)╬══╣
Cig, thanks. It is a nice song, isn't it?
I Love You. Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes-now for a little riddle: What's the hardest part of making one of these ;-)? PS-sorry about the backache-I just can't resist.
Oh, Honey, I think you can resist. I mean, I'll love you 'till I die, don't get me wrong, but I've been pretty resistible for a while now...
Ok, so its like nearly a year later but because you whored on my blog I just have to say well done!
;-)
I recognise a LOT of what you said there.
Now I'm off to try and read whats happened here since last July!
Cheers!
Xbox, thanks. There's nothing I love more than a new comment on an old post. I should whore myself more often.
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