My IKEA Story
Last year, during my five months of unemployment, I went to a job interview for a call-center rep. position at IKEA. By then I had already been rejected by many places, which didn’t do much for my self esteem. I mean, you call Comcast costumer service and think, What kind of idiots are they hiring? Apparently, not this one.
During those five months I learned to readjust my values in order to play the game of employment-seeking. If on the first interview I thought they would obviously see my genius (can I use my mom as a reference?), by the time of my triple-digit interview I learned that I wasn’t fired from my last job, but that “The position ended.” I learned that I wasn’t simply a cashier in a store but a “Senior Sales Associate.” I learned I had people skills! Yes! And I bought a suit. I was ready.
So here I was in the hub of Swedish Minimalism, waiting for HR. I was sitting on a low sectional IKEA couch. Do I need to describe how ugly the couch was or can you already imagine it for yourselves? Good. Now, they had two items on the coffee table: Time Magazine and the IKEA catalog. “Is this a test?” I thought as I started leafing through the catalog of urban decay.
I repeated to myself: Inexpensive products for people who love designer furniture or It has everything for everyone or even the original Affordable solutions for better living—one of these mantras was getting into the interview. I was going to get this job.
So here comes this elderly lady, shaking my hand like she was a ghost, doing the ol’ “Did you have any problem finding this place?” (Another thing I learned: They don’t really care). And we go into a tiny room, and she slouches in her chair and asks me to tell her about my past experiences, so foolishly I start doing just that.
At the end of the interview she says, “Looks like you’ve lived an interesting life,” which in English (or Swedish) means You’re not what we’re looking for. So I ask, “What kind of person are you looking for?” and the elderly lady from IKEA raises herself slowly and lifts her finger to accentuate the last words of the interview. “We’re looking for someone who could sell, Sell, SELL.”
And that was it.
36 comments:
You need to share what you've learned. I've been applying and inverviewing over the last year to no avail.
Suits suck. Ties suck more. Maybe that is why my hunt continues.
Job interviews suck.
IKEA wanted to charge me nearly $300 to ship a desk top and a stool. Yeah right.
The only thing worse than a job interview is enduring a job you don't like.
When I was young, I wanted to own my own retail business. Working at someone else's retail business (several of them, in fact) killed that dream.
I guess that's the price you have to pay for having lived an interesting life. Sounds like you're learning which euphemisms to use; something will come through for you.
It's too bad it has to be one or the other, but sometimes it seems that way. I've had coworkers who knew the company inside out, knew every procedure and every contingency plan backwards and forwards, and they were the dullest people in the world.
Who Hijacked Our Country
I could never do sales. People think I would be good at it, but I know I wouldn't.
So true. All about how you word it.
What in the world is that a picture of on the table there? Is that what I think it is?
Oh boy, now I'm REAL optimistic towards getting a summer job.
durante, the only thing I've learned is to momentarily sacrifice my principals and suck it up, and that's not something I hope other people do. With me, I think, it was also the added problem that I was fired from my first job in the US, so I came out as a trouble maker. I got a job in the end, and now it'll probably be easier for me in the future (unless I get fired from this one for going online right now). Anyway, it's a pain in the butt.
Monique, thing is, they're supposed to be such a great company of harmless environmently friendly people (even if their furniture is ugly), I was really shocked by the "sell, sell, sell" thing. Screw them and their delivery charges and their gender-free instructions.
Ajooja, I thought about that during the interview, once I realized I was wasting my not-so-precious time. And about the retail, I worked in a store for four years and when I was fired all I wanted to do was open a similar store just so I could compete with the company that fired me and win over all their customers. But I have the ability to give myself a second opinion, thank God.
Fab, I did work in comission-based sales for a while before. You get sucked into the comission and the bonuses and you stop taking breaks and you compete with others and money becomes everything. It's very hard to get out of this and actually find your soul again.
Dave, it's just a picture of pickles on a table (I call it "Pickles on a Table"). What did you think it was?
Woozie, there's no hope. You go from one place to another and chat with stupid people about stupid stuff, and you play their games, and you wear uncomfortable clothes, and you sell yourself, and you demean yourself, and you tell lies and they tell you lies, and you think only about getting a job job job, and they ask if you have any questions and you think, "How hard can this fucking job be? You answer a phone, you push some buttons, why are we even having this conversation?" yet you still don't get the job. Good luck.
LOL. I was thinking it looked like crap marinating in urine. But I couldn't quite bring myself to believe that is what it actually is. My thought was, "who in the world would gather this up in Rubbermaid for a photo?" hahaha. Oh man.
Wow. Making new friends are we? I much prefer the old commenting friends.
"Looks like you've lived an interesting life" TOO funny. What kind of thing is that to say. Really. I could never sell either. Although, as a FT writer I suppose I do sell myself. But I could never sell an item like a car or computer. Too hard.
Hey, where did all the new friends go? Now my comment makes no sense. Everyone will think I'm nuts -- that's okay they already do.
Man, Jennifer, I thought about leaving these comments there just because it's kind of an artistic statement from this one person and it was too weird, but his image on the comment was too disturbing so in the end I decided to erase it all. Pretty freaky. Did I beat him in the Battle of the Blogs? Does he just go around and does that to every blog? So strange... he left 40 comments like that, all calling me an ass hole. Where did his mommy go wrong?
Oops. So now, Jennifer, it looks like you're complaining about people commenting here. That's funny. I'm sorry. (And don't worry, I bet this guy will come back and leave more comments and then your comment will make sense again).
That same guy left all those comments! Wow. I only saw three or four I think when I was here. Maybe it was someone you had a fight with way back in middle school. Very strange. I would not have left the comments up either though. I don't mind looking crazy -- it's A-ok.
Yeah job interviews definitely suck, no doubt about that. I admire your skill at being able to make one into a funny story though.
IKEA's loss!
A few more stories like that and yo can write a book on job hunting a la David Saderis. Oddly, I'v ebeen seling luxury hotel rooms/suites for 5 yers with a "this is what it is; take it leave it" additude. I'm very nice about it though.
Jennifer, yes, it's one guy. So he left about 40 comments. Crazy, right? I saw his website before, through BlogExplosion. It's the kind of website your annoying lonely uncle thinks is funny (the one people say, "He's not really family; we just call him Uncle.") You know the kind of website. It has farts and examples of bad female drivers. So I guess he got drunk, again couldn't get anywhere with internet porn, and drunkenly stumbled onto this blog, where he started leaving comment after comment, calling me funny names. Kinda feel sorry for the guy. On the other hand, I also want to stick my fingers in his eyeballs. Ahhh, the duality of human nature.
Leo, it probably wouldn't have been funny if I were still looking. On the other hand, as much as this thing is now behind me, I think it'll take much more than simply not liking my current job for me to start looking for a new job. It was kinda traumatic.
Bill, that's right! Many people have told me that when they heard me for the first time, all they could think about was cheap bland furniture. Coincidence?
Scot, he did that? Damn him and his successful family. Anyway, I saw him last year. He was talking about non-fiction writing and about how the conversations in his writings are fictional. Some kind of explanation about "the limits of non-fiction." It was slightly disappointing, I think, to learn that people do that, reinvent conversations like that. Maybe I'm wrong.
During that period I also applied to work as a leasing consultant. I actually thought I could be good at that. Never got a call back.
Something will come along, that fits you.
Thanks for leaving the comment on my blog and letting me know who the creative commenter is : )
Job interviews are rubbish. Besides you would have been miserable there anyway. I do like the furniture however. Call me a freak.
Spicy, it's all good.
Ricardo, you're a freak. (Maybe I'm just angry because every time I moved I had to leave IKEA furniture behind because it would fall apart whenever I tried to lift it. Actually I've had this IKEA computer desk for about ten years and it survived three moves...) Okay, I take it back. You're not a freak.
Well it's not the most durable stuff. It's hit and miss really. But I like the modern look.
Okay, stone me, I like Ikea furniture :(
People hire people, so if you fail to get hired you are probably better off because you would end up working for or with some one who you don't like.
I never liked Ikea, but then again my recliner is in need of some duct tape to hold it together ;-) Keep looking, productivity breeds profitability
www.homeinterest.us/blog
Ricardo, I suppose there is something in the Modern look of it. It's practical and cheap. But I hate it more than words. I was a mover for a few months (like all Israelis living in New York), and I learned to appreciate really good furniture. God, I hate IKEA.
Tsedek, they do offer affordable solutions for better living. I wouldn't stone you, though, just for liking it. But I will sue you.
Mr. Wood, you're right about that, in principal. But the thing is that no matter where you go, you have to get through the HR bullshit these people learned in HR school: handshake-firmness is a sign of durability, no matter how terrible a person's previous job was, he can't talk about it because then he's a trouble-maker, and a centered tie means a serious potential employee. Maybe I'm wrong.
So what do you do now? You can email me the goods.
Tonight I was asked what I want to be when I grow up (I was at a networking event,) and I had no answer. Is it bad to say that I'm trying to get through grad school, carefully weighing all opportunities? Man, I had a lot of wine tonight.
When are you coming to Los Angeles so we can have a beer together?
Hi. I really like your blog. Was wondering if you want to add it to my directory? Thanks Shelly
Weblog index
must admit i went a bit overboard when i suddenly decided to live in my pad before renovating and now its like i have been ctrl x and v'd into a catalog myself..
http://www.globalthemes.org/2007/05/window-wall.html its come a long a fair bit since but still :S
durante, I'll email you about where I work. Meanwhile, you're in Grad school, which means that either you're a responsible adult with a great future or you haven't been able to grow up and face life without the framework of school yet. One of the two. And yes, going to LA would be cool, wouldn't it? I was there when I was fifteen. Went to Universal Studios and to Disneyland. But I don't see any travel in my future with Jr. on the way. But hey, if you're ever in Baltimore (the harbor! Camden Yards! the... harbor! the segregated communities! the crime rate! Camden Yards!)
Shelly, after the nasty spam I had earlier this week it feels good to have normal spammers like you on the site.
Lirun, first of all, how crazy is it that you write about being ctrl x and v'd and it makes sense? Anyway, the apartment does look nice (and that site looks interesting), but I think what stands out in the picture is still the two guitars, even though they're in the background, because they're personal and they have soul in them. There's no soul in IKEA. I think that's what I mean.
Tsedek, they do offer affordable solutions for better living. I wouldn't stone you, though, just for liking it. But I will sue you.
NO! PITS....
I mean I LIKE it (well, some things). Nothing to do with 'affordable' or not. My taste is my taste, not my calculations....
Tsedek, you will hear from my lawyers. There will be no dissent in this virtual space! IKEA=bad -- if only because they didn't hire me. Honestly, maybe if they did hire me I would have had a differnet opinion. I guess people have different tastes. I guess the world is made of different people with different likes and dislikes.
Look at me, learning as I go along.
Yeah, they're a very bad company for not hiring you. And that's something totally different from not liking their products. Totally unrelated really - or else you have given them the opportunity to influence your taste: you... That's a lot of power to give someone.
Yes....send in the lawyers, send in the clowns
:D
I feel your pain in this post. Seriously. I've been looking for two months now; but, ignoring the "other jobs" and as far as copywriting goes, I've been looking for nearly five years. It's tough--making an impression. It's even tougher getting a gig that you actually want to wake up to. Here's to the hunt!:)
Tsedek, now you're punishing me with Barbara Streisand? Okay, okay... I love my IKEA computer desk. See, everyone? Torture works.
Carey, as far as looking for a creative job, I didn't even know where to start. Good luck. (and if you need a reference, I'm sure my mom will give you one, too).
I love IKEA! wooot.
www.rosshetherington.com
In that case, Ross, you are my enemy.
Post a Comment