My New Job
I have a new job. The girl who trains me says marijuana kills.
“It doesn’t… really…” I say.
You can’t argue with great logic like that.
“What do you see in the picture?” she asks.
“A mountain?”
“No.”
“It sure looks like a mountain. It’s not a volcano?”
“Yes,” she says. “It’s a volcano.”
“Then…”
“You said mountain.”
“But… A volcano is a mountain. It’s just got a hole in the middle.”
“Well, it’s a volcano, not a mountain.”
She shows me how to write my notes: “Just read my example and copy my notes.”
So I read Contract recieved and signed.
“Wait… ” Because I’m new, you see, and I’m not in a position to stand out as That Guy. But of course, I am that guy, and I can’t help myself, being an English Major and all… “I think in received the E comes before the I.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m pretty sure.”
“I thought so too, but that’s how I’ve been told to write the notes, so…”
“But it’s a spelling mistake. I mean…”
“It’s not a big deal.”
No, it’s not.
14 comments:
Ho-ly! Your workmate drives me crazy. I can't even imagine how you must feel.
I'm afraid this co-worker would be on my nerves even before i arrived at work...lol
Oh shoot buddy... that is funny in a way, but what it really is is scary.
This is just my opinion...
Whatever you do, never correct that lady again, oddly enough I have a feeling she is one of those people who will try and screw you because she feels challenged by your smarts.
Or speak your mind, I dunno, not good to keep a muzzle on yourself either just because someone is a blockhead.
I'm so smart I can't decide what to tell you :)
It sucks when people at work suck.
I'm thinking of leaving my current job, but I'm worried about working in a new group because the dynamics have to be good or else I will hurt someone.
And I'm thinking of working in contracts. I wonder what you do exactly.
First, I have to say I wrote this post about a couple of weeks ago but only posted it now. I was a trainee for a month, and I still work in the same job for the State of Maryland, but I'm not a trainee anymore, which means I was moved from the court-house, where I was trained, to the city jail. People are more normal there (although someone said she heard Jewish people peel their food). That woman is still there, though, showing people her vacation photos and talking about the evils of marijuana.
But speaking of scary, the other guy training me talked about having a blog, so I did a little search and quickly found it. Apparently, his blog talks about his Multiple Personality Disorder, and also about his daily dreams, which include being a part of a special police unit which hunts and kills drug dealers, and another one about shredding an annoying trainee and digging out his bloody scalp from the shredder. I think it's much safer for me in jail.
Oh, you gotta do a whole post on that guy!! That stuff is a gold mine... although I'm sorry about his mental illness, that is sad and never funny.
Oh, I know... I probably won't do a post about him though. He was very nice to me, and even though he wants to kill drug dealers and even though he undoubtedly will shred a trainee sooner or later, it's probably too much for me to talk about him.
But just in short: his site lists all his different personalities. They all have D&D-style names. Some are mean, others are suicidal. His blog talks about his love for hybrid cars and his anger at Windows Vista, then comes a post about shredding an employee. Then a post about his exercise and weight loss, then a post about how he wishes his sister-in-law would die from an overdose.
It's too much. It's much more fun to talk about the woman who thinks a volcano is not a mountain than to talk about a guy who sooner or later will miss his pill and go on a rampage.
This is EXACTLY why I left the traditional working world. I can't stand working with (or for) people who couldn't (or shouldn't have) graduated past the 8th grade.
I'd hate myself too much.
Thing is, these two don't work at a call center for Comcast Cable or as waiters in a diner. Their thoughtless actions affect people's lives. They graduated high school and then they graduated from college and then they found a nice state job that will allow them to express their superiority. Maybe if they dropped out at eighth grade they would have been okay...
you should explain to her how Coffee kills. She'll tell you it doesnt, and then you can say "well if you are driving and you pour it on your crotch, you might run someone over".
You'll likely get fired for saying crotch, but I'm guessing jobs where you work with idiots like that arent so hard to find.
The two car incidents I had involved the radio, so in her logic, music kills. Actually, I bet more people got into accidents because of coffee than because of marijuana. However, I wouldn't recommend driving while drinking coffee and smoking marijuana (and changing channels on the radio).
Good God my man, what kind of crazy employee is this. I'm worried about you in this one.
Oh. My. Is she real? I mean really real? Where is this new job? At a Scientology Center?
:-Daryl
Ricardo, she was crazy. Not as crazy as the other guy who trained me there. He has a split personality (actually a multiple personality) and he cuts himself. Oh, it's something else. One of his personalities cuts himself to pay for his sins. The main one is gay. Another one is straight. They all have these mystical names. I'm afraid to link to his blog because he never told me about it and I really don't want other people that work with him to find out because it might get him fired. That job was crazy. But of course it was also the most interesting job I'd ever had.
Daryl, so I'm not working there or anywhere right now. This was in a court house, working for the state. Did you get to this post through that "Previously" link? I love it when people read older posts. It makes me feel like this blog is three dimensional. Or four, I'm not sure. I guess if you do find people at a Scientology center too informed, government work is for you.
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