My New Job II
So in my new job I have to wear a tie. You know this world exists, and you know some of your neighbors live in that world and follow its deranged logic, but until you step into this environment you have no idea what’s it really about. Apparently, ties have to match your clothes. Your shoes as well. Everything has to match.
It’s this whole new culture that exists under your nose, but unless you’re a part of it you simply have no idea what’s it about and how prevalent it is. You just live your own life as if it’s the only possible way to live, not thinking for a second there are others all around you who do heroin, or sharpen their teeth and dress like vampires, or practice voodoo, or have crazy orgies, or wear ties.
I get compliments on the ties Honey bought me. People ask me about brands and stuff. I search for a label.
“Nautica? Is that the brand? Nautica?”
“Ahh, Nautica is good,” they say.
One of the guys straightened my tie today. Apparently this thin piece of cloth has to be centered.
Personally, looking at tie patterns make me dizzy. I’m not even mentioning fun ties; that’s a whole new type of evil I’m too scared to get into. What’s going on here? Who randomly decided men can only look professional if their upper body is divided symmetrically by patterns? I would have loved to be in on that meeting.
11 comments:
Love the first paragraph of this post -- having the abstract understanding of some other world and then stepping into it only to find that ties have to match the rest of your outfit. Very funny.
Yea, I got a bit lazy by the second paragraph.
Isn't it weird, though? It's completely random, yet we collectively agree that the only way a man will look professional is if his body is divided in two. It could have been anything else. Professional attitude could have been a red nose. It would have made just as much sense.
Luckily, I do look good in a suit.
You poor bastard....my sympathies...
No biggie. It's like Halloween every day (more like Purim, actually).
Who decided that ties were the standard for business?
It may have been a vindictive woman who was tormented by the man or men in her life. I WISH I was there for THAT meeting! ;P
"I just wish I could choke all men for 8 hours every day."
"Well, I have an idea... Hear me through; it might sound silly at first--"
Yes, you look good in a suit. But I'd rather see you out of it.
I see that you have Bill Clinton's, My Life. Did you make it through the memoir? I mean, when I got to chapter nine, and he was still nine-years old, I was over it.
The man is incredible, but chapter nine should be campaign season or something, not more stories of the five billion people that made him as great as he is today.
I'll have the highlights, please.
Actually, I promise I'll start reading again when I'm through with grad school. Right now reading for pleasure is not possible.
Found you from Durante Vida's site....
Think of ties as your chance to interject color and personality into an otherwise colorless and insipid world. It also covers up the bottons on your shirt, so if a botton ever pops off and you need to staple your shirt closed, no one will notice!
Another quote from a TV show...forget what show but it was someone wearing a bow tie...he basicly said "never trust someone wearing a bow tie. A regular tie points to your crotch. How can you take any one seriously that accentuates their ears?"
durante, I used to work in a bookstore so I felt had to use my discount while I had the chance and now I have more books than I'll read in this lifetime. Funny you saw the book in the picture. It is a pretty distinct monster. But no, I haven't read it yet. Maybe if I'm bed-ridden for a couple of years.
Scot, that's what it is, isn't it? Ties point to your crotch. It's all some pagan-left-over/subconscious conspiracy/metaphor thingy. It's an arrow!!!
I've been working in an office where I have to wear a suit for a few months. It's pretty weird, I think. I prefer cool shirts, and sometimes don't wear a tie and get away with it coz my shirt looks so good, lol
Benjamin, I'm slowly getting used to it, which is probably the scariest thing about it.
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