On Sand and God
When I was eight, after playing soccer for an hour, I lost the key to the apartment and thought my parents would be mad. I sat on the sandy soccer field after a long hour of searching and I cried. Then I came up with a great idea. If God knew everything, that meant he knew where everything was. So I made a deal with God.
If I eat this pile of sand, Dear God, you will reveal the location of my keys.
It was simple and fair, although I don’t know why God would want me to eat sand other than to show his superiority, which is fair enough. So I ate sand and still didn’t find the keys. My parents weren’t that angry though. Still, I discovered two things that day:
1. Eating sand is gross but it won’t kill you.
2. There is no God.
21 comments:
Good One...
So True...
I wouldn't be too quick to brush God off. Yes ppl are entitled to their own opinions. But I don't know if you have ever read the Bible whatever. but i recall reading a verse that said not to test God. I think it was unfair of you to say just because he didn't help you findur keys that he doesn't exist. That is just kinda dumb. I mean you don't even have to ask Christians if there is a God. ask Muslims or Jews or just about any religion. I'm not saying all becuz i know some don't beieve there is a God but if you ask most religions they will say they believe in God or a god of some kind. whether it be a god of mythology,man, or whatever. Eienstien said the more he studied the heavens the more he believed in a higher power. It doesn't matter what you say. But you don't only offend Christians saying there is no god you offend millions of other faiths. Next time i would think a little more about what i post b4 i post it. i know there is freedom of press and stuff. still you would wanna be careful about who you offend i found this just by going on google.
I've eaten sand. I hate the girl that made me do that when I was younger.
But, I bet you never lost your keys again.
A similar situation happened to me once only I found my keys and God gave me a new bicycle. It was awesome.
3) God has a great sense of humour
I felt equal to God also and asked him to make me rich, to let me win the lottery every month, and to make me a God so I would not have to keep asking him for favors. Well I bought my own house, and I made myself rich, and I became godly, but I never got from him what I asked for, and he never answered me not even once.
Mr. Kendal, thank you for commenting. Now, I wouldn't presume to use my cherished freedom of the press only to offend people, especially not during this season of joy and iPods. I've read some of the Bible, and I guess it was silly of me to test God when I were eight-years-old. To make up for my mistake, I have just cut off my pinky with a dull knife. Merry Christmas.
Durante, you're right. After that day I started using the key necklace thing. I wonder, maybe if I eat sand now I'll suddenly remember my entire childhood (and you'll remember that evil girl).
Austin, good for you! This is truly a miracle. I am happy for you. [Note to God: That's just great. He probably didn't even eat a handful like I did. This is bullshit].
Spoooookey, first of all, when you comment here you enter US territory, and I expect you to write humor and not humour. Yes, God is a prankster. Look how he made me eat sand while he gave Austin a new bicycle (probably BMX), and look how he teamed up with Google to send Kendal over here to challenge his beliefs. There must be a plan and a reason for everything.
And EuroYank, you can't really feel equal to God and still ask for stuff.
Hey, at least it wasn't rocks, you know?
???
This is very helpful, A, especially for beginners (I did start small like he suggests). Thank you for that link. How did you find it? Did you Google "How to eat rocks"? There are a lot of things I'm too embarrassed to ask my doctor so I just Google the answer (For example, it is normal, especially after a long time in a swimming pool).
The "How to Eat Rocks" link came from my daily browses to some sites I like. Found it at The Presurfer today.
By the way, this is Alan from blogging out loud - sorry for the confusion on the earlier post - I guess I have two blogger IDs and didn't know it! :)
Oh, Hi Alan, good to have you here and thanks for the link. I can see myself spending some time there, learning to eat rocks and discovering Barbie's full name. Pretty cool. Happy new year!
Sad conclusion. I've never eaten sand before, must be yucky. For some reason it makes me think about how my sister used to always lie when she was little, hence always getting me into trouble. This is when I realized I should've grown up to be a prosecutor, I'd bust out this question to my sister in front of my parents, worked every time: "Yes, you say I did this to you, but do you promise to God that it's the truth!??" Haha, she stopped lying pretty quickly after that. I guess the moral of that story is that using God as a threat can help you extort the truth... at least when you're a little kid.
I used to swear to God too. One day I did that even though I lied, yet nothing happened. Another proof there is no god.
Not so sure it's a sad conclusion, though. Earth is not flat but some people are still happy.
when i was little my friend said that if i eat sand it will make me beautiful. i only ate like three grains of it, tho. i guess i should have eaten more! maybe i should try it again. :-)
haha
Maybe that's the secret. Maybe God was waiting for me to eat a whole bowl of sand.
Interesting comments I get here. Even if not everyone agrees I should have tested God like that, it's pretty clear that my first discovery was true. Apparently a lot of people have tasted sand at some point. What's wrong with us?
You missed the point. God did not tell you to eat sand.
You do what He says. He doesn't do what you say. You're all reversed.
Okay okay, you're right. I was eight and didn't know you either believed in God and thought He was with you when you lost your keys and when you found your keys and when you ate sand and when you ate salad, or you didn't believe in God. I know better now and I choose not to believe.
Of course, if you believe, then you know that whether I believe or not has nothing to do with God's existence.
Ok, I'll make a deal with you. If I respond to this post, you send me $5. My PayPal email address is bungirl@gmail.com Seems like a good deal to me. Well, I've held up my end of the bargain. So now, by your logic, if you don't send me the cash, you must not exist.
Yeah, it doesn't work that way with God either. As Marie said, you don't tell God what He should do, you ask God what YOU should do.
Actually, if you find $5 in your account it means I do exist. Why do I have to carry the burden of proof for God's existence?
Now, I know believers say the proof of God is in everyday things and in life itself and all that, but that's still no different from believing the universe was created by the spaghetti monster from space.
I respect your belief (and your love of bunnies), but I'm not convinced.
I'm going to leave the whole God thing alone, being a Sunday school teacher and all I just don't think it's my place to comment... :-0 :-0 :-0
But I can totally speak with authority on the sand thing, because I LOVE the beach & yeah, it doesn't taste all that great & hasn't killed me yet...
I do have to say though that I WISH we could ask your eight year old self how you came up with the whole sand thing!
Hey, I don't know. I guess it just made sense. You wouldn't have laughed if my keys were under that thin layer of sand, though, would you? Can you imagine that? I could have been a prophet.
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